What We Become | Book Two

41. One Missed Dose

My head began to cloud again, fogging my thoughts. This time, it wasn't the Infection but Chris' words which I couldn't bring myself to believe. The bandstand felt as though it were moving beneath me, rocking on the waves that splashed in the horizon.

"They told me there were others," I said. "Julia told me they were treating more like me at EDIN..."

His expression dropped and a look of sympathy crossed his face. "There's nobody else, Em."

"Then why would they tell me there was?"

His shoulders lifted. "I... I don't know."

An involuntary noise escaped my throat. "So, I really am just EDIN's science experiment? A one-off trial that somehow worked?"

Chris coughed, avoiding my stare. "I hate to break it to you, Em," he said. "You and Ben are both science experiments."

"What do you mean?" I asked. "How does the serum even work?"

"It's a blood serum, with a partial blood transfusion."

"Partial?"

He nodded as if it were obvious. "When you came in as an Infected, they sedated you."

"Yeah, I remember that part."

"The Infection is in your bloodstream, or it was. They had to swap out 3 pints of your blood with Ben's. Just under half your total blood volume but enough to kill the rest of your cells that were still Infected... The serum took care of the rest."

I scowled. "That's the quickest way to do it?"

"It's the first way that worked," he shrugged. "But that's why it's been so long... Took most of that time to figure it out. They're practically draining Ben dry every moment they can."

I gestured a tired arm to the empty syringe which now lay against the cold wood. "So, now it's definite that my cells are damaged? That my body won't ever be able to completely fight it off?"

He lifted an arm to scratch the back of his neck. "It must be more deep-rooted into your immune system than they thought... Maybe one day they'll figure it out."

I exhaled. It was the realisation that my life really had changed. Permanently medicated and never truly escaping who I was, who I am. Forever one missed dose away from turning back into who I didn't want to be.

I picked at the flaking wood beneath my shoes as I tried to process the information Julia should've told me.

"What if I don't want to be this way?"

"What do you mean?" he asked as his brows pressed together, a look of concern crossing his expression.

"I don't want to be like this. Why can't I just walk away from it all? Why won't they let me leave?"

He seemed taken aback. "You've got so much life ahead of you now, Em. You've been given a second chance that nobody else gets. Why give that up?"

"I can't even look at the person I've become, Chris. I can't even stare at myself in the mirror without seeing all the faces of the people I killed. What makes you think I'm ever going to be able to? What makes you think that I'm ever going to want to do that?"

"Because you choose to live. To get up every day and just live. Not to survive or because someone in that fucking building wants it but because it's the one thing you get to decide... You choose to keep on fighting because one day something better will come."

I looked at his face. He seemed exhausted, tired almost. He was the first person where I believed the words he was saying without having to think about it first.