What We Become | Book Two

34. Successfully Repressed

The narrow corridor was closing in. My head swam and a numb feeling spread throughout my body, more so than normal.

Memories of before came rushing back with no way of stopping them. My autopilot had failed, and I couldn't take back control. Everything I had successfully repressed was flooding through me like a tsunami and I could do nothing but stand and let it take over.

The connections in my brain hadn't just re-built, they were being overloaded with new information and memories I didn't even know I had. I almost thought it would've been simpler if I never remembered any of it at all. Life would've been easier that way, I could've started over again, never having to remember who I was or who I was supposed to be.

Chris stood in front of me, Julia and Donut on either side of him. Wide eyes and confusion stamped his face.

"Can I help you?" Julia asked on my behalf.

I said nothing.

He glanced at her, his stare drifting up and down the lab coat she wore, his gaze narrowing.

"Julia?" he questioned. "What are you doing in this part of the compound?"

Her eyes narrowed. "That's none of your business," she replied, setting me on edge even more.

"You know her?" I spoke up.

He only glanced at Julia before his attention landed on me again. "Em... It's you, right?" he asked, his brows furrowing deeper. "You recognise me, don't you?"

I blinked.

It was real.

Chris still stood in front of me, wide eyes and lips parted.

"What are you doing here?" I barely spoke.

He almost laughed, seeming amused. "I should ask you the same question... Well, I mean the answer for you is pretty obvious but..." he flustered, looking between Julia and Donut and then to me. "It's been so long. We all thought you were dead."

I stared back at him. "I was."

His face dropped and his stare landed on Donut. "You knew about this?" he pressed. "Is that why I wasn't posted in this section?"

"Who sent you over?" Donut countered.

"Pilot, if you must know," he replied. "He asked me to check on a few things" He looked around us, at the people in lab coats who passed us with clipboards and curious glances. "Maybe we could go somewhere else and talk?"

I shook my head. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"I don't think that's a good idea either," Julia stepped in. "Chris, you should go."

He seemed taken aback or genuinely insulted by the responses. His face screwed as I took a step past him.

"Em," he said, grabbing my elbow.

I flinched, inhaling sharply. "Don't touch me," I warned. The inquisitive glances burned now, becoming more obvious with each passing face.

He dropped his grip, holding up open palms towards me. "Alright," he spoke calmly. "I just want to talk."

The look that plastered his face was fascination over anything else. The person standing in front of him by all accounts shouldn't have been alive, and yet, there I was.

"I don't think there's much to talk about," I replied, walking past him and my guards until I was almost at the end of the corridor.

I thought he'd dropped it and I'd be able to walk away free until his voice echoed off the white walls.

"Are you going to run from your past like Ben did?"

The question stopped me in my tracks and my breath hitched as a thick, heavy silence fell around us.

The name had triggered something in me and the memories came flooding back.

Every muscle in my body was tensed, my chest heavy with the weight of his words. On the outside, I could control how I looked. Inside, I couldn't do anything to stop my body's involuntary reactions.

I turned to face him and my eyes burned behind my contacts. "What did you say?"

The tone of my voice startled him and he lifted his palms again as if it would do something to calm me. "Ben ran from his past," he explained. "You remember that? Are you about to do the same thing?"

Visions of the boy flashed through my mind. They were blurry, hazy even but they felt real. I remembered him when I was bitten, refusing to kill me. He had tried to explain himself but at the time I could focus on nothing but the pain of the Transition.

"Where is he?" I asked, taking a step closer.

"He's not here... I just want to understand. That's all."

My hands shook as they tightened into fists. "Understand?" I repeated, a seething tone to my voice. "Understand that this is what Ben caused," I gestured to myself. "I don't give a fuck what he ran from but I'm not running from anything, Chris, I'm doing myself a favour and walking away."

"Em!" he said louder. "Please... Nobody believed the cure would actually work."

I exhaled. "Why do you lot deserve an explanation?" I asked. "As far as I can recall, none of you did anything to stop Ben from leaving me to turn. None of you had the guts to put an end to it."

"We couldn't have killed you, Em. You know that..."

"Why?"

"Because... It's you. You're saying you would've killed one of us? Killed Ben even?" he reasoned.

"If you'd asked for it," I told him. "Everyone's worst fear is the Infected. Nobody wants to become one of them. Everyone knows they're better off dead over being an Infected."

"I know," he murmured as if this was the first realisation. "I'm sorry."

"It's a bit too late for apologies, Chris," I said as I took another step away.

"Wait," he said, blocking my path.

"What?" My gaze darted to Julia who was visibly conflicted in her next course of action. Chris wasn't threatening but it was clear I didn't want to talk.

"Haven't you been wondering what's been happening for the past year?"

I paused, eyeing up the boy standing in front of me. "It's been a year?"

He looked to Julia who shifted her gaze to the floor before moving back to me. It was a look of concern, one where he realised how much I didn't know, how much they hadn't been telling me.

"As I said, I just want to talk..."

Nobody moved, or even dared to breathe. I was in a position I hadn't been in before. I'd been asked for something and I had an option of whether to give it to them. It was a strange feeling and I didn't recognise it.

"Alright," I nodded. "Fine."