Red Vs Blue, & there's Magenta: Season Two

Chapter 5 Sweet Ride

The Reds stood in front of the jeep.

Simmons: Okay, I get it. You built a remote control for the jeep into Lopez.

Sarge: Yep. But there's no way anyone could've found out how to turn it on. I hid it in a place no one would ever look.

Ruby: You put it on his crotch, didn't you?

Sarge: Dangnabbit!

Grif: So, someone else is controlling the jeep right now? And the big gun attached to it?

Sarge: Oh get a pair, you bunch of barbies.

Ruby: I'll pass Sarge.

Sarge: Even if they figured out how to turn it on, they'd never know the set of code words to control it? Only me and my diary know that.

Ruby: The code words are "Code Word," aren't they?

Sarge: No!

*With the Blues*

The Blues stood atop their base.

Church: There, you hear that?

Tucker: Is it like a screaming, high-pitched whistling noise, followed by a series of random clicks?

Church: No, it's just this constant "Beep, beep, beep" noise.

Tucker: Oh. Then no, I don't hear anything.

Church: Wait. Do you, uh, wait, actually hear a series of whistling noises followed by some random clicks?

Tucker: No, I was just trying to be helpful.

Church: Yeah, well, you're failing.

Caboose: All I hear is that voice, you know, telling us to kill all our friends before they have a chance to kill us.

Church and Tucker stared at their plain blue teammate while the beeps continued.

Caboose: What, you guys don't hear that?

Church: Oh man, I can't take this anymore! Tucker, you're gonna have to do something man. This beeping is driving me crazy!

Church's final sentence travelled all the way to the other side of the canyon and to the jeep!

Warthog: Drive.

Sarge: Jumpin' Jahosafats, they've cracked the code!

Ruby: Wait, the word for it to drive was drive? I was just joking earlier, but seriously Sarge?

Sarge: Those dern windtalkers!

The Warthog sped off and crashed into Doc, flipping the medic into the driver's seat!

Donut: Hey, he's taking the jeep!

Doc: Help! This jeep is kidnapping me!

Donut: Now he's taunting us. This is just embarrassing.

Simmons: Hey Sarge, new rule. How about we just don't take any new prisoners, since we seem to suck at it.

*With The Blues*

Caboose was crouched and looking for the switch.

Caboose: I see a switch down here. *whispers* It's not very big.

Tucker: Oh yeah, that's it, just flip it.

Church: Wait stop.

Meanwhile, the jeep was approaching the Blue Base in the distance while the beeping continued.

Church: Caboose, do you know how to work a switch?

Caboose: Uhhhhhhh. . . .

Church: Alright, here's a full tutorial then. The switch is pointed in one direction. Just turn it around so it's pointing in the other direction.

The Warthog did Church's "turn it around" command and headed back where it came off. A rough click came from Church's crotch.

Caboose: Oh, it broke itself.

Church: Ugh.

*With the Reds*

Doc: Oh man, what now?

Grif: That does not look good.

The jeep was facing them. . . .

Grif: Nice kitty, nice kitty.

*With the Blues*

Tucker: Okay, I see two wires down here. One is green, one is red.

Caboose: What about the blue one?

Tucker: That's your thumb you idiot.

Church: Come on guys. Just grab whichever one goes to the switch, and yank it out.

Tucker: I can't tell which one goes over there.

Church: Then just yank 'em both!

Caboose: Church, if we pick the wrong one. . . *whispers* you could explode.

Church: I don't care look, just follow the red one.

*With the Reds*

Warthog: Acquire target- Red.

Grif: Uh, Sarge, y-you- you may wanna start running.

Grif, Simmons, and Donut all backed up while Ruby and Sarge stood there.

Sarge: Ahhhhh, fudge pumps.

*With the Blues*

Tucked: Okay, I see what's going on here. The red one goes close to the switch. The green one goes, eugh, someplace else.

Church: Fine, just pull it. Take out the red one.

*With the Reds*

The Warthog drove towards Sarge! However, something unexpected happened. . . . The sergeant was suddenly thrown back! Ruby then jumped out of the way as the jeep crashed into the side of the base! It drove back and faced Sarge.

Warthog: Eliminate Red target, eliminate targets guarding Red target.

Ruby: Not on my watch. . . .

The girl's Freelancer instincts, Agent Hawaii's instincts, kicked in! The warthog began to open fire on her! She dashed away from the base, drawing its fire away from Sarge! She held her SMG in one hand and fired while running, her bullets hitting the side of the jeep while narrowly missing Doc! The Warthog revved and drove after her! The amnesiac beelined for the walls of the canyon! In her free hand, the girl unhooked a grenade and dropped it! The car drove right over it as it exploded, flipping the vehicle up! It managed to land on its wheels and begin its pursuit again, but Ruby had put distance between them! She loaded her SMG with shock rounds as she got close to the wall! The Warthog zoomed after her, nearly crushing the girl against the canyon!

Ruby: Allison!

Allison: On it!

Allison boosted the strength in the lower section of her armor, letting the ravennette jump high onto the wall! Ruby took two steps up it before holdering her SMG and backflipping! The Reds were mesmerized as the bullets from the chaingun were dodged midair! Ruby landed on the barrel of the gun! She crouched down and gripped the ammo chain before ripping it out! The jeep drove in rough circles, trying to shake the magenta girl off! Ruby dropped and grabbed the barrel of the chaingun and swung her legs! Her feet crashed into Doc, ejecting him from the driver's seat for her to take! She drew her SMG and unloaded a full clip of shock rounds into the console! The Warthog short-circuited before the engine shut down! It froze in place, letting Ruby get out to to take a deep breath.

Ruby: Woah, that felt great!

The magenta armored girl turned towards her friends, who all gazed at her. If they had their helmets off, she'd be seeing eyes as wide as dinner plates.

Ruby: Uh, guys?

Donut/Grif/Sarge/Simmons: Holy shit!

They Reds were beginning to realize that their magenta girl was a bit of a badass.