Red Vs Blue, & there's Magenta: Season Two

Chapter 18 Dealer Incentive

Tucker and Caboose held Donut captive within their base.

Tucker: So they sent a female assassin to try and kill us. Clever, but it won't work. We're immune to your feminine wiles. Unless you wanna date one of us.

Donut: Female?! I'm not a girl!

Tucker: Tease.

Donut: I just have. . . light red armor.

Caboose: How is that pink armor anyway? Looks comfortable.

Donut: At first, I really hated it. But it's kinda grown on me. My old armor used to chafe my thighs somethin' awful. But the crotch in this pink one is suprisingly roomy!

Tucker: Silence woman!

*With The Reds*

Sarge: Good Buddha's noodle, how could this have happened?

Simmons: It's okay sir, it was a strong plan. Grif's just a dumbass.

Ruby: But didn't he say Donut just ran off?

The girl now had her helmet on.

Grif: In conclusion, Donut's the dumbass.

Ruby: I wouldn't go that far.

Sarge: Settle down ladies! We need a new strategem, and we need it fast!

Simmons: Donut's sure to crack under the pressure and reveal everything!

Grif: Everything like what? Where he keeps his tampons?

Ruby: There is a girl standing right next to you.

Grif: Sorry ma'am.

Sarge: You're right about that Simmons. The boy doesn't even see the entertainment value in being tortured! Oh, these kids today!

Ruby: I was unaware of that having any value.

*With The Blues*

Ghost Church entered Blue Base.

Church: How's it goin' Tucker? We get any useful entertainment outta the prisoner yet?

Tucker: I figured he was here to steal back Lopez, but he won't give us anything. Except a list of crockpot recipes. Would that be useful?

Church: Do we have a crockpot?

Tucker: No, Caboose made a trade with rhat annoying guy from Blue Command. He swapped it for a mystery box.

Church: What was in the mystery box?

Tucker: A hundred and forty jars of mayonnaise.

Church: . . . Well, that's a great trade.

Tucker: Yeah, it doubles as a great sunscreen.

Church: How did you- never mind. Listen, I think I came up with a plan for we can use Lopez and our new prisoner to get an upper hand on the Reds.

The two stood their in silence for a few moments. . . .

Church: The plan does not involve mayonnaise.

Tucker: Dammit, I knew there would be a catch.

Meanwhile, Caboose was talking to Donut.

Caboose: That was fun. Okay, okay, your turn. Truth or dare?

Donut: Hmmm, truth!

Caboose: Okay, tell me all of the Red secret plans!

Donut: Aww, you tricked me! You Blue guys are so smart. Okay, now listen closely. Our biggest secret is- ADJAJDBAJDIGAGAG!