What could have been.

-Chapter 1-

"Sienna."

"A large coffee for Sienna." A barista calls out. Worming my way through the busy crowd of half-asleep students awaiting their evening fix, I gesture towards the barista. I look down at the cup and notice Cienner, is written on it. I think this has to be the best one yet of my name. It's funny how when my name is pronounced, I know it's me, then I read what's written and it's far from it.

Holding my coffee in one hand, I use my free hand to button up my long navy blazer coat before stepping out into the harsh autumnal breeze that awaits me. Cold breaths dance wildly with the steam coming from my coffee cup, creating a small fog around me. 

It's late, incredibly late to be walking alone. However, I've become familiar with those around me. After taking the same form of public transport near enough five times a week you start to recognise other passengers.

My hope for this evening is my coffee will fuel me up enough for my fun-filled Friday night of studying. I've even gone as far as strategically using my travel home to plan my evening and most likely my weekend of getting ahead of all my homework and assignments. I've planned my plan; I think that's a step up from who I was last year.

It's the first semester of my second year of college and you would have thought I would have found my footing in terms of handling the stress of it all by now but unfortunately for me, that isn't the case. It's my fault that I have to work ten times harder in my final years of college if I want the debt, I'll be leaving with to be worth it. I spent the first year how many eager first-year students would, I had an unhealthy balance between partying and school. I say unhealthy because no matter how prepared you feel for college the freedom mixed in with a ton of responsibility can be extremely overwhelming. Still, I made it work, I had top marks and gained two best friends Eden and Jocelyn along the way.

Eden was my roommate in the first year and fortunately enough we became inseparable. I owe a lot of my looking presentable appearance to Eden, before we met, I religiously wore the same three leggings and on special occasions, a pair of jeans with the same four rotated tops I had in my wardrobe. Eden loves fashion, with that came a lot of shopping trips which helped me find my style. In the year that I've known Eden, I would argue my style has evolved tremendously, however, I still prefer a more minimalistic look. I haven't reached Eden's level of styling, she can mix and match patterns and look amazing, while, I look like a selection of pillowcases when you open up any catalogue. My wardrobe is now overfilled with different styled jeans and trousers and tops, just in various colours. As Eden always reminds me when I'm unsure on whether to buy another black t-shirt despite having ten at home but this one has a sweetheart neck which I don't have that we need options.

While Edens friendship has caused me to have barely any wardrobe space, on the other hand befriending Jocelyn has encouraged me to come out of my comfort zone, even when her idea or invitations are unwanted. Eden and I met Jocelyn at a frat party a few weeks into our first year, to say she left an impression on us would be an understatement.

Vince, Eden's now ex-boyfriend is jealous, make you feel like crap about it type of guy. He called Eden a slut because a guy asked her to dance at the party, Eden declined nonetheless Vince blamed Eden's short dress for all the unwarranted attention. Jocelyn being Jocelyn overheard and well let's just say, every time Jocelyn moved her hand even in the slightest, Vince would always flinch. After that night our duo became a trio.

We decided to rent an apartment for our last few years of college. By rent I mean Edens parents paid for it and we have to cover the bills, food and any other expenses.

The three of us were done with campus living life and felt it was the right move to make as mature young adults venture on in this new chapter.

*Phone buzzes*

I open my text to find a video sent by Jocelyn in our group chat, of course, it's of a cat doing weird things. Jocelyn has an obsession with cats. Eden responds by telling Jocelyn to stop being a crazy cat lady.

I let my bag slide off of my shoulders and slump on the seat of the carriage. I rest the soles of my boots on the seat opposite me and slide my back down so that I'm more comfortable. It's not a long journey home but it's a long enough journey to get comfortable for. 

Toward the end of our first semester, I met my now ex-boyfriend Joseph at another frat party after he spilt his beer down me- I know, very romantic, right? I was very naïve and  I rushed into things quickly. Joseph being the typical frat boy only led to my decline in the schooling part of college. I tried to get myself back on the straight and narrow a few times, failing every time.

My grades began to drop and by the end of the first year, I was close to failing. The more warnings I received from the dean only made me careless and I eventually stopped trying completely.

Again, I was very naive and thought I had found my Prince Charming. Well, Prince Charming got kicked out for using an illegal substance to enhance his performance on the soccer field. He lost his scholarship and went back home to his home town. We tried to have a long-distance relationship but surprisingly it didn't work out. Joseph wanted me to transfer to the local college in his home town, I refused, then he started to resent my decision to stay.

After our breakup, I realised how idiotic of me it was to throw my education away. I plan to work hard. In the last week before the summer break, I had a meeting with the dean, I promised him and myself that I won't make the same mistake again. I thought for sure he would have asked me to leave but he didn't, he gave me a second chance which I will not be wasting.

I haven't heard from Joseph in a few weeks, he had the tendency to drunk call me every few days over summer. I hope his absence is due to his lack of interest in me not that he roped another poor woman into his life.

My apartment is only a six-minute walk from the bus station. Once, I'm inside the apartment building I begin to rummage through my bag for my keys whilst I walk up the stairs.

The lady that lives opposite us is extremely friendly yet extremely nosey. Mrs Landon enjoys standing with you and do a round of 101 questions. So, I try to be prepared with my keys at the door to avoid her.

I only need to walk halfway up the first flight of stairs and I can already hear Eden and Jocelyn singing over the music being played at the top of their lungs, bearing in mind we are on the third floor.

This can either mean one of two things; One of them is sad and in need of cheering up. Two, they're getting ready to go out.

With the plans I have for this evening, selfishly I want it to be option one. Being a loving friend, I hope if it is option one that it's not anything too big. Please don't let it be option two.