What could have been.

- Chapter 10 -

I brace myself as I push open the double glass doors of our apartment building to head outside and face the cold, I immediately regret my decision to not put my jumper back on before leaving. To my surprise Cole is standing with his back to me a little further up the road from the entrance door, smoking a cigarette.

One side of me wants to tap him on the shoulder and ask if he's ready to gesture walking together to the shop, however, the more dominant side of my thought process at the minute wants to walk straight past him as he did to me inside. He hasn't realised that I'm outside, I slowly pace myself in his direction, taking in a deep breath through my mouth as I close the gap between us to give me the courage I will need to storm past him as he takes his final few inhales of his cigarette.

I walk past not looking back in the slightest, broadening my shoulders as I feel his eyes on me from behind, almost becoming defensive or even wary of how I look under his watch. I use the cars that are parked on the sidewalk to see whether Cole has begun to follow me or not, which he has. Through the reflection of the cars, I slow my pace of walking and watch as he throws his cigarette to the ground and slow jogs over so that he is walking beside me.

Neither of us attempts to look in one another direction, we walk in silence. The further we get into the walk the more unbearable the silence becomes but I tried to talk to him previously and he rejected my attempt so I won't be starting any conversation with him.

The streets are busy with both cars that are stuck in traffic and pedestrians creating a little traffic system on the pavement of their own by how busy it is and how slow everyone is deciding to walk.

We wait amongst a large group of other pedestrians at the crossroad for the traffic light system to turn red. As soon as the little man flashes to indicate for us to walk, I step forward to cross the road. Without warning I feel a pair of arms wrap around my waist, pulling me back onto the pavement. Confused as to why I've been pulled back off of the street, I begin to wiggle my way out of what I assume as well as hope is Cole's grip. Until, a motorcyclist zooms past where I was standing, only resulting in me jumping back into his arms and wrapping my arms around his that are back tight around my waist.

The sound of people around us breaks out into various curse words and plenty of gawks towards the near encounter I had with the motorcyclist that had run a red light surrounds Cole and me as we stay put, slowly loosening the hold we have on each other. The scent of aftershave swallows me hole, along with his grip on me that's now no longer there, leaving me to feel disheartened. I shrug off the feeling of brief security I had in his hold as being in shock.

"Are you ok?" Cole asks in a soft tone, putting his hands into his pockets away from my waist.

"I'm fine." I say hesitantly.

"Are you sure?"

My heart rate has picked up again, more than it did earlier. Unsure what to say other than "I'm fine." Becoming quieter after each time of repeating the two simple words until my final one is a silent whisper. The air around us has somehow become warm, as though the temperature has dropped from a fall evening to a summer morning. I can feel my throat becoming dry after each breath intake that I can't help but be aware of right now as it is frequent and not slowing down. I raise my head, to distract myself from the thoughts circulating my head in regards to how my body must be dealing with the shock of nearly being hit to look up at Cole.

Coles's eyes are on me, probably finding my reaction to what's happened hilarious even though he's not giving anything away through his facial expression.

We stand put for a little while, staring at one another as I try to figure out what he's thinking, I hope that he's doing the same. His eyebrows are heavily sunk, almost looking concerned, almost.

"Excuse me." A man rudely waves his hand up in the air between us. Both Cole and I step back to allow enough space for the man to pass through between us. Like I've stepped out of a trance, the noise of the traffic and the people around us amplifies around me, breaking us away from whatever that moment was, back into reality.

The lights are once again red, Cole takes the first step, prompting me to start walking as well. I follow momentarily behind before Cole turns around after looking down to realise, I wasn't beside him. Stopping in his tracks he waits until I've caught up with him before he starts to walk again.

"Can we start again."

It's as if I'm having déjà vu. I laugh out "ok." despite wanting to give him a little bit of grief or shit for now wanting to start over even though he turned down my earlier request to do the same.

"Ok then."

"Ok then." I copy his blunt tone as I repeat his response.

"I mean. I've come to your rescue enough times s-" I cut him off with a scoff and a eye roll. Paying no attention to my reaction to what he said "Maybe being your friend will mean fewer rescues" he continues.

"I don't need to be rescued."

"So did you just have a death wish back there."

"Ok fine. You rescued me once."

Biting down on his bottom lip, Cole exhales a laugh through his nose, looking down at me he's blatant smirk grinds on my conscience. 

"Stop laughing at me. What is your problem with always laughing at me?"

"I think you're paranoid."

"Shut up." I snap, waving my hand to my left to hit Cole lightly but I catch the air. Before I can look around to find him, his back beside me, walking to the right of me instead. His hands are out of his pocket and by his side which I've come to realise is unusual for him.

We both stop walking simultaneously as we've reached the store. His demeanour has completely changed, he's stood straight with his hand balled into a fist at his side "Everything ok wit-"

"Go and get your shit." cutting me off, he steps in front of me and holds open the door, my eyes shift away from his hands up at his face. He looks down briefly, jaw clenched, breathing heavy and looking as pissed as ever. What the hell is his problem? I cross my arms and walk past to go inside. I walk straight over to the aisle to pick up the kitchen roll, feeling annoyed by the ding of the door indicating that he's inside the store with me. I stand on my tiptoes to get a better view as I peep over the shelf to try and spot where he is in the store. I'm unable to find him and it's not a big enough store for someone to go unseen in.

I step down and settle on the thought that he's probably outside waiting for me, with that in mind I head towards the counter to pay. Once outside, I can't spot Cole anywhere, he has left. Why am I always confused or annoyed when I'm around him? Has he already gone back to the apartment?

I return to the apartment; everyone is still sat around in the living room, each with a plate of food on their lap.

"Hey. You're finally back. I put a plate back in the oven for you and Cole." Jocelyn says, turning on the sofa to face me, I stay standing in the doorway, while, I drown out the noise of their conversation, in the hopes of hearing his boots step across the floor.

"Cole left me at the store." I blurt out, feeling ridiculous at how pathetic I sound.

Jocelyn walks over to me while I take my food out of the oven, asking if everything is ok. I look around at Cole's friends that are sat whispering to one another, probably wondering where he is. I reassure Jocelyn that I'm fine and just a little confused as to where he disappeared to with no warning.

"Joce, we're going to head out." Jocelyn walks over to Liam giving him a quick peck as Jeffery and Clementine give us a wave goodbye as they leave to wait in the hallway for Liam. He whispers something into Jocelyn's ear then shoots me a wave goodbye. I want to ask if everything is ok with Cole, yet, I feel stupid if I were to ask. If they wanted me to know what was going on if something is going on they wouldn't have been so secretive before leaving.

"Want to watch something together?" Jocelyn asks, after locking the front door, joining me on the sofa, nabbing a fry from my plate. I agree and we spend the evening cuddled up together under Eden's blanket watching Criminal Minds. I don't eat much of my food, only half a slice of pizza and a few fries, for some reason I lost my appetite.