Rewrite the Stars (bxb)

Chapter 21 Secrets

Happy birthday to GeorgeNotFound!!!

I can't get Jax out of my head. Every time I think about him, I'm distracted. What he did to me yesterday keeps flashing in my head. No one has ever done anything like that to me before. None of that stuff even crossed my mind. I've never dated anyone—let alone kiss them. Peter was technically my first kiss.

My entire life, I've read about love and relationships, but not once did it cross my mind that stuff like that could happen to me. I'm not interesting enough for anyone. I'm just me. No one has shown interest in me, so I've never shown interest in anyone else.

So why did Jax do that? And why can't I stop thinking about it? Each time I do, my heart races, but it's not the type of racing that I'm used to. This one actually feels... good. Like, I want it to happen again. A rush of adrenaline follows, and now I think I'm addicted. I love that feeling. And that terrifies me.

But why also me? I was confident that Jax and Peter were dating. They're super close, and I've caught the looks on their faces before they could hide it. I've seen that look a thousand times in movies. They like each other.

But now that I'm thinking about it, I've seen Dev and Sam have that same look. But also Lincoln. And Orion. Actually, everyone does. But how can that be? I thought relationships can only be between two people?

I reach under my pillow and take out my phone. The brightness is fully up, so I blind myself before managing to turn the brightness down. I glance at Peter, making sure he's still sleeping, before going to the internet.

Is there such a thing as more than one person in a relationship?

I hit enter, and the first thing that pops up is polyamory.

What the hell is that?

The practice of, or desire for, intimate relationships with more than one partner, with the informed consent of all partners involved.

Oh. Is that what this is then? I can't be certain, but I can definitely get proof. I'll watch them tomorrow. See how they act.

But now that I think about it, besides looks and touches, I haven't seen any other form of desire between them. This may be more difficult than I thought.

I put my phone back and look up at the ceiling.

If they all are in a relationship, were they ever going to tell me? I mean, I think I'm fine with it. I don't really know how polyamorous relationships work, but I'm an open minded person.

Maybe they think that I would tell on them or something? That's probably why they don't want to tell me. That makes sense. My guess is that polyamory isn't widely accepted. They have to be careful who they tell to keep their secret.

If I'm going to keep living here though, I need to show them that they can trust me. I don't want them hiding their real selves because of me. This is their home anyway. I'm just a guest. They shouldn't change their lives just because of me.

I'll show them in the morning that they can trust me.

I turn over and see the clock. 5:24

I'm never going to sleep tonight.

I turn on my music and close my eyes.

.~:*:~.

"You look dead."

I groan from my spot at the kitchen table. My eyes are closed, and I feel like I can fall asleep at any time. "I want to die."

I hear Orion's deep chuckle. "You can go die after breakfast."