The Usurper's Throne

44

I had never eaten at the "cool kids" table. In fact, after the age of fourteen, I didn't eat at any occupied table. The first few days were a nightmare. The cantina was the purest expression of fear. Some people feared the dentist—others feared school. This cantina was my fear.

I had too many memories. It was hard to disassociate the place from working under Jody and the torment I faced there. It was impossible to forget Damien's tender moment getting me a pear smoothie. I had such high hopes back then. Little did I know that Damien was actually a manipulative maniac.

So, I never sat at the "cool kids" table. However, now I sat with Elijah, Roger, Pam (Roger's wife), Daniel, Reid, and Baker. Smith had left a few days after I arrived, disillusioned with the whole werewolf society. He, with Elijah's approval, went off into the human world.

I hope he was okay.

The cantina was still full of fears, but Elijah refused to let me live with the fear. As long as I was at Redwood, I would be eating in the cantina. And I wasn't allowed to not eat (not for lack of trying).

Most of the meal, I had Elijah's hand in an iron grip under the table. Every noise made me jump and strange things would trigger memories. Strawberry yogurt. Yellow dishrags. And eggs.

I hated eggs.

Elijah was my anchor during meals and I excuse myself as soon as possible. I hated it, but it was working. Roger was spearheading the assault on Damien's castle, and Elijah worked closely with him. He refused to tell me any of the details and I didn't ask. This wasn't my fight anymore.

"—flew?"

I jerked back into the moment. The soft lull of conversation floated around me and there was sunlight pouring into the window beside us.

"Sorry. What?"

"You and your apologies," Elijah muttered. "When is the last time you flew? As werewolves, we shift every week at least to keep the process painless. I'd imagine you need to fly every so often, but I haven't seen you do it yet."

I blinked. "I haven't."

Elijah nodded. "You should go today. It's been a few weeks. It'll be good for you."

I nodded and looked down at the chicken in front of me. It was strange. For the first time in my life, I had the freedom to do whatever I wanted. I could have flown anytime I wanted. There was no restriction on what I could do. Freedom.

But it was freedom tinged with fear. Every morning, I woke up in terror. Elijah had asked me if I wanted to talk about it and I was honest—I didn't. I didn't want him to see that side of me.

Despite the fear, I did want to fly.

"I know a good takeoff place," Elijah mused. "I would love to show you if you're free after lunch."

"Our meeting's at three," Roger reminded Elijah. "Daria from Joshua is visiting."

My ears perked. Daria? I don't know why I thought Daria would be on Damien's side. I guess Damien had lost a lot of friends and family along the way. A small part of me felt bad for Damien. I didn't trust him—at all. But, I wanted him to be redeemed. I wanted him to go back to the tender, intentional man that I knew when we first met. I wanted him to be the man I met, not to lunatic I left.

"And my sister hates when people are late," Daniel mused. I studied him. The last time I saw him, he was furiously kicking me out of the Joshua pack. Now, he was despondent. I think he had believed that his brother might turn around; now he knew Damien had gone too far to ever come back. Damien had reached the point that he didn't want redemption. As much hope as I had, you can't come back from that.