Endurance :: divergent

Chapter fifteen :: I did it

I laugh as Eddie slightly shoves me. I push his shoulder a bit, but it gets out of hand. He looses his balance and falls back into the chasm.

"No," I scream and run over there. I reach my hand as far down as I can without falling, but it's too late. He's already hit the bottom. 

"No... no... no," I repeat and sob.

I killed Eddie. It's all my fault. I killed Eddie. 

I stand up and try to collect myself. I stand at the edge of the chasm and put my arms straight out. 

"I'm sorry Eddie," I say before I fall. I close my eyes. I hear nothing. I feel nothing. Until I hit the ground-

I sight straight up. I feel tears running down my face. My heart is beating and my breath is out of control. 

"Shh, Alex, it's okay. It was just a dream," I feel Four put his hand on my back. I slept in his bed last night. I don't remember much from last night, but I do remember seeing Eddie's body at the bottom of the chasm. I also remember Eric. How he was going to use me for his personal pleasures. I also remember ditching Liz. What kind of friend am I? What kind of friend would do that? I'm horrible. I'm a horrible person. I also told Four I have to tell him something, but I decided I'd do that in the morning, which is today. 

I hide my face in my hands and sob. I take a few deep breathes and try to calm myself, which soon worked. 

"You okay?" 

I turn to him and nod, "I'm fine. I just... I dreamed that I pushed Eddie. On accident, but then I jumped, too," I look down, "I-I... I don't deserve to die... d-do I?" I furrow my eyebrows. 

"No, you don't. Don't even consider it," he forces me to look at him. 

I push the covers off of me, revealing me in a pair of sweatpants, and a loose shirt. Which I assume are both Four's. 

"No. I-I... it was because of me. I did it."

"No, you didn't. You were at the party. H-He was divergent, Alex," he stands up in front of me, "Max... he killed him."

I feel nothing. Nothing but anger. Four knew about this, but didn't tell me? What a jerk.

"You're an ass. You knew about this but didn't bother to tell me?" I stand back. 

"I'm sorry. Please... please forgive me," he pleads. I consider it. He couldn't have done anything about it, anyways. 

"It's... fine." I hesitate. He gives me a half-hearted smile.

After that, I tell Four about what Eric had said. How he was going to use me. Another sexual assult I get to remember.

Four wasn't mad at me, but whenever either of us would say his name he would clench his jaw, and his fists. I could clearly tell he was mad, but he trusts me. Or at least that's what he said. 

I go back to the dorms and change. I'll return his clothing later. I make my way to the dining hall with James and Liz, they're holding hands. I smile at the sight, but continue walking.

I sit across from Liz, and in between Zeke and Heidi. 

"Initiates," Max calls from the balcony at the top of the dining hall, "your final test was moved from Sunday, to tomorrow. Get ready. It'll be the first thing in the morning when Four wakes you up, so move fast," he says before walking off. 

I stare at Liz, and she stares at me. 

"Oh shit..." I mumble. 

After breakfast I go find Four. He's at his apartment. I knock on his door, but when it opens, it reveals Eric. 

"You told him?" Eric's jaw clenches. 

I say nothing, but I bet he can see the fear on my face. What is he going to do to me?

"You remember?" he steps closer, but behind him I see Four. 

"How could I forget?" I spit. 

His eyes search mine. I stare back at him, but he walks off. He's clearly mad. He needs someone to open up to. I bet he's a real softy on the inside, too. 

"I can't do this," I say to Four once Eric's out of sight. 

"Do what?" he furrows his eyebrows and pulls me inside. 

"I can't do the test." 

"If you don't you'll be Factionless. You have to."

I nod, "I... just don't think I'll do good," I sigh. 

Four and talk for a bit, until Hope interrupts us and pulls Four to a meeting. Probably discussing some new rules for the new initiates that will come. He was talking about that, but they won't get new initiates for another seven months, since it's May. 

I don't do much for the rest of the day, except read my book. I try to sleep, but it's diffult hence the test has been on my mind constantly, the thought of Eddie coming every once and a while, but soon I fall asleep. 

I'm brave