slow burn; sapnap

eleven

be sure to vote and comment!!

hadden found herself speed walking from her car parked down the street into the local breakfast café that she recommended that her and nick would meet at 10 minutes ago. they wanted to meet up before he went back to his parents that evening. as she passed by the front windows she saw nick look up and a huge grin spread across his face.

"i'm so sorry. there was a wreck outside my apartment complex and traffic was redirected a way i didn't know and-" she rambled as soon as she reached the table he was sitting at until nick cut her off.

"you're fine hadden." he giggled.

the two sat across from each other. the café's atmosphere held sounds of dishes clinking, chatter at nearby tables, a waitress repeating orders to the chef, the front door's bell chiming occasionally when it swung open, but surprisingly their table had a lingering silence. while hadden sat with her hands fidgeting under the table, nick let the slightest smirk appear on his lips as he examined the girl sitting across from him.

"um, well how was the hotel last night?" hadden said, not being able to bear the silence.

"it was alright. the wifi sucked," he scrunched his nose up before quickly turning over his phone that kept buzzing. "sorry let me see what this is. oh, dang it."

"what's up?" she could see his face quickly become overwhelmed.

"i told karl i'd stream with him before i knew i was gonna come see you and the stream is scheduled in like an hour. i'll just have to let him know i can't make it." he said with a sigh.

"why don't you use my set up? you're here because of me so its the least i can do."

"okay and i should be logged into everything i need." nick said as he let karl know is discord that he was almost ready.

"and the green screen should be good."

"may i ask why you have a green screen?" he teased.

"well, if you must know, i'd prefer if i was not always faceless online." hadden said.

she bought the green screen back around the time that things seemed to shift between her and nick. when she noticed a connection that she didn't have with her other friends. she bought it in hopes that it would push her out of her comfort zone. but that never happened.

"hey, can you hear me?" nick asked into the microphone as he adjusted his headphones.

"yeah i can! why does your mic sound different? oh wait- you're back home aren't you? i forgot about that." karl responded as he began his 'stream starting soon' screen.

"yeah, um i'm back in texas," he awkwardly responded, not wanting to reveal he was with august.  "so remind me what we're doing."

hadden sat on her bed that was just out of frame of the camera and watched as nick played uno with karl, quackity, and corpse.

corpse
sapnap is at your house isn't he

august
how did you know?

corpse
i ever so slightly heard that smoke detector that you won't put new batteries in beep
thats a real safety hazard btw

august
he stayed at a hotel last night and forgot abt the stream
i told him to just come use my set up

corpse
well how did the wedding go? did the world implode like you thought it would?

august
ha ha very funny
it went really well and we had a great time

"corpse! its your turn dude." nick said, rapidly clicking the mouse as if it would make him take his turn quicker.

august
pay attention to your game. we'll talk later

hadden sat back and watched nick carefully. she dreamed of days like this. a year ago she saw herself falling deeply in love with nick and him with her. she wanted a future where the two would eventually move in together, spending each day in each other's company.

but then she remembered that he didn't want her. that nick was ashamed to admit what they had going on to anyone else. he called her crazy. he was okay with their relationship just disappearing on a stupid random thursday. all ties cut. and now was sitting in her room like it had never happened.

the anxiety behind this thought train started making her physically ill. she had to get away.

nick noticed her standing and quickly muted his mic.

"hey, where are you going?"

"i just need to get some air. i'm gonna step outside." hadden rushed before leaving her home.

she went and sat on her tiny patio just outside of her kitchen. she didn't have any furniture outside besides a rug, so she sat on the ground. she moved the rug to press her hand down on the cold concrete, trying to ground herself.

she leaned her head back and closed her eyes as she took a deep breath. her brain was flooded with the painful daggers of nick's words from a year ago. she was reminded of the crushed dreams. she was led on. after the many meaningful conversations and dozens of affirmations he poured over her, he had told her there was no way that he could have any feelings for her.

hadden heard the sliding door open, but hoped that if she kept her eyes closed that she could remain uninterrupted.

"you alright, augy?" the very concerned voice asked.

she opened her eyes to see nick sitting cross legged next to her, worry covering his face.

"i just got to not feeling too great. i'll be okay." she looked at her lap, not wanting him to pick up on the fact that it wasn't the whole truth.

"did something happen?"

"i think this is just too much. you see it too, right?" hadden felt like she was going crazy.

"what do you mean?" nick leaned back on his arms behind him, genuinely wanting to understand.

"yesterday was awesome. and today has been really good. and i'm glad you're here. i've been wanting to meet you for a year. but its just really hard for me to just move on from the fact that you really hurt me, nicky. like really. did you know that the night we stopped talking corpse had to fly out because he was so worried about how i was doing? i was so invested. i was in l-" hadden quickly stopped herself. she couldn't admit that to either of them. "i really liked you. and then i lost friends. i felt like i couldn't interact with alex or karl. and definitely not dream and george. the last eight months have sucked."

nick just sat in complete shock.

"i tried to rid you from my existence, but it was impossible. everything about us was connected. do you know how many times i quickly left a call as you joined? i tried unfollowing you but it wasn't enough because i would have people tag me in clips of you changing the subject when i was brought up on streams. that hurt so bad."

at this point hadden was pulling down her sleeve to wipe away the tears on her cheeks. she wasn't sad anymore. she had spent eight months being sad. she wasn't even mad anymore. she was disappointed in herself. that she let herself hurt for so long.

"i- i didn't know it was like that." nick said, at a loss for words that seemed to be an appropriate fix.

"just tell me you hurt too. tell me i wasn't crazy." hadden pleaded.

"of course i hurt. i was so mad at myself. i was an idiot and said things i shouldn't have. it was stuff i didn't mean. i wanted so much more for us and i screwed it up."

they both sat quietly, not knowing what came next.

nick knew what he wanted in that moment. he wanted to hold her. to pour apologies over her for everything he had done. to take away all of the hurt he causes. he wanted to mend things. he wanted to kiss her.

"i think you need to leave." hadden said quietly.