this is us | jjk

fifteen ~ here comes baby

~ three weeks since the breakup ~

Work was work, and it distracted you about everything Jeon Jungkook. After everyone had left, you sat in the writer's room, realizing it was the first time in a long time that you felt truly alone. You jumped from relationship to relationship to fill the void left by loneliness, but each breakup made it worse, and this one was the worst of them all.

You even avoided Yuna and Namjoon's because you wanted to avoid seeing Jungkook's face in family photos. Along with avoiding the newlyweds, Hyunie and Tae would just give you pitiful stares and pouts. You didn't dare to cross Jin because you were afraid he'd tell you how Jungkook was doing in LA and maybe even mention Alex.

But alas, you could only bury yourself in work for so long until it was time to head home.

Lights didn't exist in your life for the past two weeks, convincing yourself you were trying to save money on your energy bill, but you knew the real reason–the darkness on the outside reflected what you were feeling on the inside.

The brown box sat in the corner of your entryway, greeting you as you entered and exited. You considered throwing it away without looking at it, but something inside you wasn't ready to let go. If you'd thrown it away, you'd have contemplated its contents for far too long, berating yourself because what if there was something important in there? So leaving it in the corner until you were ready to look through it was a better option.

You blame the half-empty bottle of wine sitting next to the box on your coffee table. The alcohol coursing through your veins causes you to become sentimental and unable to think clearly. It's just a stupid box, but why were you so afraid to look through it?

It wasn't heavy or anything; it was pretty light. Perhaps Jungkook had thrown away a lot of things he didn't want to bring to LA. You understood, though, because you'd want to start over, fresh, new, with no baggage. Who would want to bring bad memories to a new place?

The wine glass was calling your name again, so you took another sip, finished it, and set it down. You closed your eyes and sighed as you ran your hand through your hair. It's now, or never, you reasoned. 'Never' sounded better, but you knew it couldn't be true.

Come on, you said to yourself, it's just a box. It's not that fucking hard.

You averted your gaze, your hand digging around for what appeared to be a pair of glasses. And you were correct when you examined it. They were your favorite pair, and you had been looking for them for a long time. That's where you left them, then.

You set them down and continued rummaging through the box, this time paying attention to the mementos. There was a dried peony from your first official date when he decorated Jin's rooftop, a mug the two of you painted together, with the tasteful side being Jungkook's and the not-so-pretty side being yours, and a few books and items of clothing.

A black binder clip held the last thing you took out together. You cocked your head, unsure what it could be, and it snapped as you unclipped it, causing you to yelp as it flew across the table, rattling against the mug. Fortunately, it did not break.

The couple in the polaroid was almost unrecognizable. They appeared younger, happier, and full of life and joy—all of which you lacked at the time. Your attention was drawn to the neat handwriting on the bottom–1 month.

You moved on to the next polaroid–two months. The next one was labeled three months, and so on, until you got to the last one, which was labeled nine months with a question mark. Except you weren't in the picture; only Jungkook was. You had to recall your relationship timeline and remember when you proposed a break. You could only imagine how Jungkook felt throughout it all, and you admitted to yourself that you put him through a lot. It wasn't fair to keep him at bay, but you couldn't figure out what you wanted if he were there to persuade you.