Deviant

A day with you

Around 2 pm. The sun was sparkling proudly among the white clouds, his hair swirled in the cool refreshing wind blowing as he took another deep breath and let it out in a shuddering sigh. Lately, his emotions were in turmoil. He didn't want to worry you anymore therefore, he struggled to tuck the complex mix of his emotions inside.
It's been a long time since the two of you actually went outside together. He didn't want to be the one to ruin your mood but he couldn't help but say at least something.

"Why are you doing this? This is crazy." He whispered under his breath as he adjusted his mask onto his face. He was panting hard, beads of sweat glistened on his forehead.

"Is it crazy that I want to do things with you?"

"Having in consideration that the police are on my tail, yes. You just made their job easier."

"It'll be fine. Just a couple of hours for God's sake. You need to get out of that house and breathe some fresh air. With me." You grinned, happily reaching out for him and taking his hand, clasping him tightly.

Jungkook's eyes fluttered shut, and he took long deep breaths under your shining eyes and bright smile and let himself be pulled by you. Even if he knew he shouldn't allow it, he couldn't bring himself to say no to that face. You were enjoying your moment together so much. It has been a while since he saw you this happy. And it wasn't like he didn't want to do things with you.

He found himself watching you again. He couldn't stop doing that. There was something about your innocent beauty and the way you were looking at him every time. Like he was the most brilliant man in the whole world. Like he was the only one that could make you happy in a way that no one else can. It felt nice. It made him think that maybe, just maybe, he is more than just that monster everyone sees in him. It brought him a warm feeling, the idea of making someone happy only by being in his presence.

He wondered if you felt the same thing. He could stay next to you and stare at you and listen to everything you could say just because he liked your existence in his life.

He bit his lip as he hesitantly and carefully explored his surroundings. He felt a cold sweat crawl over him as he did so. Everything happened too fast for him to have the necessary time to prepare himself. Finding himself suddenly in a place surrounded by people gave him some sort of uneasiness and anxiety. After all, he had a problem when it came to sharing the same space and air with others apart from you. It seemed it will always be like that. It took him a lot of effort to accommodate Mingyu's presence. But this was too much.

Each time someone was this close to touching him by accident, he would jerk away from the touch frightening. He couldn't look their way. As much as he tried to act like their existence, opinions and stares don't bother him, it's actually pretty difficult to ignore it. Especially when their stares are cold and full of hatred and judgment. His chest tightened. Those around him were clueless about who he was but the fear was still there. The fear of being stared at and pointed at. It was like he expected that to happen. It was just a matter of time. His eyes filled with tears against his will. He tried to fight them back but the lump in his throat kept on growing.

You could feel his hand sweating under yours and you squeezed it tightly in reassurance. You knew very well his fears. You couldn't help yourself but hope for those fears to evaporate forever. And for that to happen, he needed to confront them.

Indeed you wanted to get him out of that house and take him to a normal date as normal people do. You wanted to see him walking on the streets of Seoul like a free soul, enjoying little things, smiling without restraint.
But there was also an additional reason. And that was... His mother.