Fire & Desire Of A BBW

Be Free!

It's been a hour since Aaliyah & Faith left and I've been laying on the bed starring at the ceiling. I told them if I'm ready by the time their ready then I'd go to some stupid house party with them. I felt stuck laying there, thinking about all the consequences I would face if my mom catches me. What if she comes home early, what if one of her work friends sees me out, what if she tracks me down and embarrasses me in front of everyone? I hated this feeling. Anxiety taking over the best years of my life and my mom projecting all the things she's done as a teen onto me. I look over at the vibrating phone and see texts in the group chat about how much fun we'll have tonight. I wanted to feel the excitement they were feeling so badly, but my overthinking just wouldn't let me. 

After visioning a bunch of bad scenarios in my head, I lift myself up from my sunken bed and force happy thoughts into my mind. Whether I get caught or not at least I'd have great memories to reminisce about. Noticing the time I jump up and head straight to my closet to look for something to wear. Since it's very humid tonight the only two options are a dress or shorts and for some reason I think if I wear a dress, I have to pair them with heels. Not trying to do too much I grab some biker shorts, a cute knitted tank top and of course sandals. My moto is if the outfit is simple then the hair and makeup has to be the star of the show. 

After curling my hair a million times and trying on 10 different lip glosses, I'm finally ready. I put some baby oil all over my legs and spray glitter onto my exposed chest. Surprised that I'm the first one ready I try to find ways to kill time. "Alexa play that b!tch by Flo Milli" I shout to the speaker. I vibe to the music and try to look forward to the party.

Just as I'm about to take a few pictures I hear my besties at the door acting a complete mess as always &  making a bunch of noise. I rush to open it and tell them to keep it down because I have nosey Karen neighbors who like to gossip to my mom about everything. "Awe you guyssss, look at us having another successful girls night" Faith squeals out. She grabs us all into one big group hug, rocking back and forth. Her happy mood loosens me up and we all race down to the lobby of my apartment onto the summer streets of NY, without a care in the world.