The Daughter I never knew

Loop 2

              Time travel of Dream

That night I sat near the window thinking about the dreams more than work. It was not me I knew. Why don't I feel anything? Was I happy to see her? I'm still confused!

I was tired by the dream and walking life work  that my eyes closed by itself. Few minutes into blackness I felt something warm on my chest, something small as a teddy bear. I opened my eyes I was back to my old days and also when Kera was little, three-year-old girl.

' Papa! Look I made me and you skating... here I got first prize too.'

I remembered how she used to draw in her notebook of coming first in skate race. She would make small boxes, naming it One, two, three and she would stand on the first box, the top one. Everyone had a happy face. She drew that all the time!! 

' It's going to be true ' I said, and she was confused

The time froze again and gave me a moment to think how I was before, how I loved her. How I used to hold her tiny little hands. She used to run freely everywhere because she loved the wind and to be free.

The door appeared again, I opened the door, and it was our house again but with good memories.

' I came first in every race! And here the medal of skate competition too'

' It that real gold? ' I laughed because she always thought the medals were real gold in elementary or the middle school sports day which would make her bite it even though she didn't knew how it will prove the trueness. I looked at the medal; What was that feeling? I felt suddenly!

I looked at her and said, ' That's beautiful gold right!'

' let's have a cupboard with glass doors which will show off my medals Because I would have many now in near future'!

Her eyes sparkled, yes! It's sparkled; Like her eyes had stars. When I looked at her little version or before she became a teen, I felt something. I never could saw it, wish I did because this feeling, I'm not liking this feeling suddenly because it's so good. Why this feels good and heavy at the same time. I realized she did grew up fast and I wasn't there most of the time. 

The house got blur and darken. She was in the room taking the glass piece of the broken glass door of the room where I used to do my work. I made a professional salon in my house only and I was the one breaking it. I had got mad over my wife and threw he suitcase which she dodged and it hit the mirror gate whose pieces Kera was picking. 

She used to stay happy even then, putting her toys to every showcase little mirror cabins. She was all alone on cold wooden floor playing with her toys and what surprise me sis she still had em. 

Thousands memory was played at once, in every of it me and my wife were fighting and Kera, she was helpless and didn't knew what to do rather than cry. Whom she wants to stay with? People asked and she said with everyone. When they used to say she can't she would cry again. Why? She asked herself. The little girl who had a spark in her eyes suddenly got faded. The light was gone, she stopped smiling. She stopped running, she stopped feeling the wind.

I realized how our fight lost the truth of love of an innocent child who love to run on green field freely. I felt how I got distant after that, not only me but Kera got distant to her mother.
After years when everything was good, we had a son. Kera got distant more, but I never felt it, did I?

The phase changed again as I just stood there

October 2

When I was supposed to go out of town. It was a dream, so I thought it won't be necessary right, but the environment is making me to go. All the characters playing in wants me to go with the flow of dream. Kera said bye to me, but she didn't come near the elevator as she used to do. To say bye till she can't see me. When she was a kid, she used to scream my name out loud and say bye! Give me chocolates.

' Am I missing that???'

I entered a state when I left the elevator. It was a door, I guess.  That state made me go in the house again but without my physical state.  My wife was happy as I was not there. I was not surprised of course.  My daughter did her chores and was talking to someone. A guy! A guy on call ! She was talking to a guy!!!!

' No! It's not like that ' she giggled. I didn't hear the conversation. Actually, I couldn't hear any of it. Then something happened while she was on call, she got silent and suddenly cried - I tried alright! she cried

I could hear the conversation now.  He asked her about her parents and when the topic got off. She shared how she would try everything to keep things together, but nothing worked. She tried and she failed. She is still trying and it's getting harder and harder.

After that I couldn't hear her because I felt something again. The heaviness, what does that mean? What we have done that this girl right over there is crying of being tired of trying. She wants to quit but she can't help it. To come and talk to us but she fails because we made her fail. 

That was the first time I felt ' The Daughter was hurt '. Yeah, she was hurt so badly. No wonder her smile, that sparkle in her eyes was gone. I didn't cry but my heart felt real heavy; I couldn't move at all.

What was it guiltiness? Or a hurtful memory of her not me but somewhere I was the part of that memory without my acknowledgement!

Papa ? You know I tried! I tried to survive everything. Only thing I wanted to hear was I'm proud of you or everything would be better!

I stood still again. Don't know what to say. Should I say I didn't know - No! I made her not let me know because I didn't care enough for her. Instead of asking I said

' Stop haunting me ' You have already ruined my half of life.'

' Sorry papa! I shouldn't have done this. I knew it won't get me anything but---she said in sadness when suddenly she had a grin 

 it's good to hear that  - ITS HAUNTING YOU '