Winning her back

30. Betrayal

Lisa

Numb.

That was the only word which described the physical and emotional state of my well being. I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't feel any more pain.

How did I get here? How did it come to this?

Maybe if I sought my sister out before and had that talk years ago, then things would have been different. Maybe I would've gotten to know my nephew. Maybe I could have avoided all the pain and drama. Deep down, I knew this wasn't possible. Life had a way of turning things upside down. A turn of events would have only delayed the unavoidable heart ache.

I counted the cars that passed by en route to Lydia's. There were only a handful. I guess that would be expected at 3am on a weekday. Raoul dropped me off in front of the white fence I knew all too well. It was my go to place every weekend after my divorce. Lydia was always there, ready to listen and open a tub of Ben and Jerry's.

"God Lyd, it's so good to see a familiar face", I said whilst removing my jacket.

She smiled at me, but her smile never reached her eyes. I shrugged it off. It was pretty late after all.

"Are you sure this is ok? I could come by tomorrow", I stated.

"None sense, I was just about to pour myself a glass of wine. I guess I'll pour two. Red?".

"Always", I said.

I took a quick glance around the house and noticed a few missing ornaments.

"Spring cleaning already?".

"Yeah", she said after a long pause. "Had to get rid of the trash".

I bit my lip and decided not to persue the topic.

After a couple of sips, I rested my glass on the table and glanced at my best friend.

"Are you ok? You seem ... tense?".

She smirked and set her glass down also. "What can I say, I'm eager to know where you've been. Ben has been worried sick. Tom too".

I ignored the way she lowered her gaze when she spoke of Tom. Something was up, but she clearly wasn't ready to talk about it.

"I went back to my parents'.

"What?", she said, with a look of astonishment. "That was probably the last place I'd expect you to be".

"You haven't even heard the best part".

I explained what had happened in depth and how I ended up back with my parents. Then on how I ended up meeting Torvi and unraveling her truth. Lydia kept pouring glass after glass until two bottles were already out. I couldn't blame her, especially after what I was about to tell her.

"So", she stuttered, "in a nutshell, you fucked Ben, ran to your parents, confronted your sister, then ran away again, only to come back here". She paused then giggled. "Aren't you tired of running?".

"I wasn't running Lyd", I said with a serious tone. "I couldn't bare staying with Ben anymore".

She downed the remaining wine in her glass before saying, " but you fucked him, did you not? He couldn't have been that unbearable".

I straightened my posture and placed both hands on the table separating us. "I made a mistake in a moment of weakness. I came here because I didn't want to be judged, but it seems I was wrong".

"Oh come on Lisa, I'm not judging you. You wanted Ben's d***", she paused to laugh. "Every woman that has laid eyes on that man has wanted his dick. Torvi included. Hell, I've even wondered what he's got packing. Must be impressive enough to keep you wanting more".

I blinked a couple of times to make sure I was awake. Surely, this was a dream. Lydia would never speak of such things, drunk or not.

"I'm not sure Tom would appreciate that comment".

"Oh honey, you don't know?", she questioned sarcastically.

I narrowed my eyes in acknowledgment that I truly had no idea was she was on about.

"Little Tommy has been getting his d*** wet for you ever since high school. Guess he finally gave up on trying to get you to notice him, and decided to quit this whole façade of a love story. In other words, quit me".

"Enough", I said as I stood up. "You're drunk and have no idea what you're saying right now."

"Actually", she started as she slowly rose to reach my level. "I know exactly what I'm talking about."

"My husband left me because he's in love with you".

I let her words process my mind, and they just couldn't. It wasn't possible ... it couldn't be possible.

"To think, this could have all been avoided if that piece of sh** got the job done".

"Wh-what are you talking about Lydia ?", I dared to ask.

"Oh sweetie, if mr trash did his job properly that night, we wouldn't be having this conversation right now. You'd be gone and I'd still have a husband".

I backed up against the wall behind me, hoping to create more distance between us both. Tears threatened to fall. I thought my heart couldn't break into any more pieces, but I was wrong.

The realization of it all hit me all at once. I was raped. My life long best friend hired someone to hurt me ... or more for all I knew. Why?? WHY??

"Why?!", I yelled, trying to hold back tears. "You're like - like a sister to me".

She rolled her eyes. "Why? Seriously?", she stopped giggling. Her sarcastic meaner disappeared.

"Because you don't deserve him. I DO", she screeched. "You couldn't let me have him all to myself could you? For fucks sake you should have left town after the divorce. But you stayed. You should have ran after the attack, but you stayed."

"You ran to your parents, to you sister", she continued whilst raising her voice.

"But you always come back".

"Why is that", she continued. "Why do you keep coming back? Do you want him too? Well you can't have him. Tom is mine !", she cried.

The person standing before me was no longer the the sweet innocent Lydia from high school. The one who always wore cherry lipstick and pastel colours. The one who cheered everyone before cheerleading practise and brought ice cream to school on Tuesday's.

No, the woman before me was definitely not Lydia Stone. Except I wasn't sure when she stopped being the Lydia I knew.

"You've got this all wrong. Nothing has ever .. or will ever happen between me and Tom", I started. "He's like a brother to me".

"I'm sick of your lies Lisa. But you're right about one thing". She paused and reached for her purse.

"Nothing will ever happen between you and Tom".

I should have seen this coming from the moment her eyes shifted to her purse. But my emotions held me in place, as if I couldn't believe that this was actually happening.

I saw a shiny pistol point itself towards me. But I was numb again. I didn't care anymore. After all, what was the meaning of life if all it caused was pain.

Death seemed to welcome me with open arms. And I was willing to let it engulf me until I couldn't physically feel anything anymore.

I just wanted it to be over.

And maybe finally ... it would.

____________________________________