Nate's life had been thoroughly interesting. In his first 19 years of it, he had accomplished many things:
1. Accepted his blindness after suffering from internal and external ableism for years
2. Got out of an abusive relationship with a purely evil girl
3. Move from one state to another during Senior year of high school
4. Found a group of lovely friends, and promptly start dating one of those friends
5. Realized that he's gay 6 months into said relationship
6. Broke up with her, because funny enough, she realized that she was also gay
7. And start college
It maybe wasn't the most exciting life, but it definitely wasn't what he thought it would be when he was younger. He figured he would hate the fact that he was disabled for the rest of his life, and that no one would ever love him because he was—his family excluded of course, but even then, he couldn't be too sure. That was it. That was his life trajectory that he was incredibly sure was yet to come. Luckily for him, and much to his surprise, it got better. It especially flourished after his extremely harmful relationship with a girl he met in his hometown had ended; that was the one part of his life that he rarely spoke about because frankly, it was too traumatic to do so. Moving to a new state and meeting the best yet most chaotic group of four individuals was the event that truly changed his life forever, and for the better. He immediately became close one of them—a girl by the name of Zivia, or Zi, as she liked to be called—and they hit it off, and eventually dated.
It was an extremely strange relationship. Granted, it was Nate's first relationship that wasn't abusive, but he couldn't shake the feeling that something was off. The want to fall in love with her romantically was stronger than his actual feelings, and soon enough, he had come to the realization that he was gay. Their breakup story was the funniest breakup story anyone had ever heard and they loved telling it. One day, in a fit of nerves, Nate asked Zi if she could come over to his house after school. She said that she'd love to, and so Nate anxiously waited—preparing to regrettably hurt his best friend. As soon as they had plopped themselves on his bed, they both turned to each other and spoke.
"I need to talk to you about something."
They furrowed their brows, wondering what the other would speak about.
"You go first," Nate gulped, trying to procrastinate his news.
"No, you," Zivia insisted. "Please."
Nate began to shake—his heart running faster than he thought was humanly possible. "I um."
He felt Zi shift closer to him; her full attention was on Nate.
"I uh," he stammered, unable to let the words spill out into the suffocating air.
"Nate, it's okay," she spoke as she grabbed his hand, gently caressing it with her thumb like he enjoyed. "You can talk to me about anything, I promise."
He uttered a shaky breath. "I think I'm gay. I'm sorry Zivia."
A silence filled the air so thick that it couldn't even be cut with a knife.
"You're joking."
Her reply took Nate aback. He was beyond confused.
"I-I'm not, I'm sorry."
Zivia didn't speak until 10 seconds later. "Can I talk to you about my thing now?"
For the life of him, Nate could not understand what was happening. In times like these, he really wished he could see facial cues. Any indication of emotion would have been helpful.
"Uh, sure," he replied hesitantly.
He heard her breath a sharp, piercing breath.
"I... Also think I'm gay."
Nate was utterly dumbfounded; there's no way that this was real. She had to be fucking with him.
"You're joking," he said, taking his turn.
"Nate, my dearest Nathaniel and best friend, I swear on your life and my own that I am gay, and that's what I came here to tell you."
"And Zi, my dearest Zivia and best friend, I also swear on our lives that I am gay and invited you over to tell you that."
They paused for a singular second, before bursting into a fit of laughter and tears. Hugging each other as they lied on Nate's comforter.
"I can't believe us," Zivia chuckled as tears streamed down her face.
"Of course this would happen to us. What the fuck," Nate laughed as he grabbed his belly out of pain.
"What the fuck indeed," Zi replied.
They both smiled, settling down as they held each other in their arms.
"Nate?"
"Yeah?" he replied softly.
"I may not fancy you, but I do love you a whole lot."
Nate felt his eyes well up with tears again as a ginormous, brightening grin spread across his face.
"I love you a whole lot too, Zivia."
It was humorous the way everything went down, and they talked about it for hours—both sharing how they came to the realization that they were the queerest they could be. They portrayed zero hesitation to tell their friends and took much amusement in doing so. All of them were not surprised either, and said they saw it coming ever since they had begun dating. Nate and Zivia's relationship became a crucial piece of lore in their friendship group and lives, and they loved telling the story. It was the best breakup in the history of breakups, ever.
Things never became weird between them. They enjoyed cheering each other on with their other, non-opposite-gendered conquests. Zivia had many more than Nate, as she was incredibly charming and an extreme extrovert. Nate, on the other hand, couldn't be more different. He was an anxious mess of a man who spent most of his nights sleepless, and most of his daytime worrying about the world around him. This did not make a good concoction for his dating life. Frankly, he was too afraid of rejection, and unfortunately, it was more likely to happen than not. Many people didn't give him a chance because of his blindness. It was a saddening truth that Nate had become accustomed to throughout his existence. The number of false perceptions that were projected onto him was astronomical, and the impact they had on him stuck to his body like paper to glue. It was hard to overcome, but he always tried his hardest to realize that they were ableist assholes, and the only people who truly mattered were his loved ones.
What he had a hard time coping with, however, was his desperate state of loneliness. He hadn't had any sort of romantic relations after Zivia. He didn't really know how to talk or flirt, not many people at their high school were queer, and he was so afraid of rejection that it petrified him. His blindness was, of course, a part of it, but he felt that even if he could see he would still be a big mess of nerves all of the time. He had panic attacks on occasion, terrible nightmares, and major trust issues. His diagnosis of generalized anxiety disorder and PTSD highlighted it. It was something he carried with him throughout time, and he always had to keep tabs on it—checking in if things were okay behind the curtains. This all didn't help his dating life; he worried that he would be burdening people even more with his mental ailments.
His lack of true relationship experience changed one day, however, and in a way that he never would have imagined. It would be such an event that it would change his life forever, and things could never be the same. All he had to do was be sensitive.
YOU ARE READING
All Our Sensitivity
Romance"Are you always going to forget I can't see?" "I don't need to remember when we're kissing." "Weirdo." Nate was born blind. That was a fact. Nate was also gay. That was a fact that came much later after his six-month relationship with his best frien...
