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CHAPTER TWELVE. narrative
december 16, 2022: iowa city, iowa
Caitlin and I sat at the island in my apartment. I had lived off campus since the end of Sophomore year because I wanted to have my two cats, August (who is currently laying on the countertop next to Caitlin's arm) and Ziggy, to be with me instead of in Minnesota.
The two of us each have our computers out, going through various assignments. Papers are sprawled all over the counter from each of us. Caitlin's trying to get as much done as she can before going to practice just to come back over and finish up.
"How's the paper, C?" I ask in a whisper, trying not to distract her too much. I don't want her to get behind.
She has essays almost every other week. It feels like it anyway, "It's okay," she replies gently. I just nod, noticing that her eyes are on me from the corner of my eye.
"You know, I can't focus when you're looking at me. It's distracting," I say playfully, a smile on my face while keeping my eyes on my computer.
"Mhm," she hums, "I'm just wondering why you were whispering."
I smile again, a bit wider, "Didn't want to distract you, that's all."
"It's no big deal, Lils. We're basically distracting each other right now," she says, raising her eyebrows at me.
"God, why do you have to be so literal?" I ask, trying hard to stay focused on what is on my screen.
Caitlin gnaws at the inside of her cheek, trying to tell if my tone was joking or not. I guess I came off snappy, not something I like.
"What's going on with you, Lils?" she questions, sounding a bit hurt.
"What do you mean?" I question, my tone gentler now. I didn't mean to hurt her.
She sighs, "You're off, everything about you is off. What's going on?"
I shrug my shoulders, not knowing what to say. What Sabrina said a few days ago had been bothering me even after I had told her off. In all honesty, I'm not even sure I know what is wrong.
"Lils, I know you. You forget that I know you, just talk to me..." she says softly, looking at me for some kind of answers.
I scratch the side of my nose before my hand falls to my sleeve, pulling at a loose thread, "Cait..." I start, but I don't know what to say. I can't straight up say that I like her. That'll ruin everything.
"Lils..." She says, closing her laptop and turning to look at me.
"Sabrina just said something that didn't sit right the other day, but it's nothing, I promise," I tell her, trying to get off of this subject.
