Nice to meet you. I love you. |BTS JIMIN HS FF|

13

The hot shower was the only thing that brought the feeling back to my feet, warming up the rest of me as well.

As dumb as it was potentially getting sick, it got Jungkook off my mind. So much so that I wouldn't even think of him for even a moment if he didn't climb up my window. Again.

'Can you get lost?' I ask him through the little crack in the window

'Nope. Let me in.'

'No, thanks. I'm good.' Not tonight. He ruined the first part of my day. Can he just let me have the night?

'I need to go soon so I can't stay anyway, I just wanna tell you something.'

'You have about 45 seconds before I push you back out.' I tell him in a stern tone, opening the window

He climbed inside, pulling me into a tight hug right away, kissing my shoulder. Nu-uh. Not again.

'If that's what you came here for, you can turn and leave right away.' I push myself away

'Where did you go with him?' He asks in a soft tone. He sounds almost sad.

'It doesn't concern you, Jay.'

'But it does.' He wraps his arms around me once again. 'You're mine.' He leaned his forehead against mine, barely whispering. 'You're mine.'

I wish he meant it. I wish he felt the same. I wish he loved me, and I wish I was really his. But he made it clear I wasn't.

'I am not yours. You made that very clear when you broke up with me.' I pull away again

'YeYe...' he mutters my name, cupping my face gently

'Jay, what is it that you want from me? You broke up with me. You told me you don't love me. You are the one who ended it, and now you keep doing this. Coming back to me. What do you want? I can't go on like this. I can't move forward if you keep pulling me back. Do you love me, or do you not?' I am trying not to cry so badly, but it's getting harder keeping this ball in my throat under control

Instead of answering, he pressed his lips against mine, exhaling as he did. It felt like he felt so much relief for some reason.

'Stop doing that, Jungkook.' I pushed him again

'I'm sorry I didn't come last night. I wanted to, but-'

'But your dick got stuck in someone else. I'm aware.'

His eyes shot open in surprise. He didn't know I knew.

'Did you think I wouldn't find out?' I ask. 'I'm sure that I would notice this.' I pulled his collar a little, tapping on the little hickey he had just near the collarbone edge

'It's just a mark. It doesn't mean anything.' He simply says

'Maybe not to you.' I mumbled, but I'm pretty sure he heard me. 'Please, Jay, stop doing this. I can't deal with it. I take one step forward, and you pull me two steps back.'

'I'm not pulling you anywhere. I can't force you into anything. You know yourself that you want me, no matter how much you protest. I can still feel your body reacting to me every time I touch you. You are not going back because you do not want to move forward.' Does he have to point it out like that?!

'Why don't you love me?' Everything I tried to keep bottled up went over and split, just like the tears I held back. 'Why don't you want me?' I sobbed, weakly hitting him over the chest

'Shhh...' he hugged me, hiding my face into his chest, making it so much worse now that his scent is taking over me. 'I don't know why. I just don't. But I also don't want you to be anyone else's.'

'How can you be so selfish? You don't want me, but you don't want me to be happy with someone else?'

'It's just what it's like. You know I'm selfish, yet you still love me.' He was not letting go of me, and I wasn't trying to move away. I am too broken for this.

It's like he enjoys seeing me suffer and break down.

'I hate you. I hate you so much.' I was gripping on his shirt, telling him the exact opposite of what I feel

'No, you don't.' He lifts my face, wiping my tears away with his thumbs. 'You don't hate me even a bit.'

His lips found mine once again, breaking whatever was left of my heart once again. I desperately held onto him, not wanting him to stop.

'I love you. I love you so much.' I sobbed again

'I know, baby. I know you do. So keep loving me.' He kissed me again, lifting me up

I held onto him with everything I had, pretending he's mine for at least this minute that he's holding me.

He sat down on the bed, having me straddle him, kissing him desperately, my hands frantically pulling on his shirt.

'Show me how much you love me. Love me more.' He whispered against my lips as his hands went under my shirt, hugging me around the back

He pulled off my shirt and started kissing down my neck to my chest, leaving a mark right above my breast.

'More. Leave more. Make me yours again. Please.' I tugged on his hair, begging for more. Pathetic. I know.

'You will always belong to me. Only to me.' He left another hickey, hiding it at the back of my neck, right under the hair where no one can see it

I know when he leaves, I will want to disappear off the face of the Earth. I will want to die. I will hate myself to the point of not wanting to wake up ever again. But until that moment, I will bathe in the ecstasy of regret that his lips leave on me.