Loving Lord Bridgerton

Chapter Ten

I laid in bed, staring the the ceiling. The only light coming into the room was from the sun shining through the windows. I haven't made any noise for so long that Dorota kept pressing her fingers against my throat. When I groan at her about her hands being to cold to touch me with, she said a prayer that I was alive and left me alone. It wasn't like last time. It wasn't this big production of my meltdown. No one was that worried about me. Well, if they were, Dorota did an excellent job of keeping them away from me. I had too much to reflect on.

In the silence I had time to ponder my situation. I remember why I loved the seasons. I remember when I was practically begging to go to them. I wanted to dance with all the men and feel like a princess. Now, I just want it to be over. I just want to move on from this who idea that marriage is going to somehow save me. Like some older man, some stranger, is going to make me feel better.

Seasons were supposed to be a magical thing for girls to turn into women and dance with all the eligible men. It was supposed to be their way to find someone to marry and maybe fall in love and have the best match of the season. Then they will get married and compete to have the best wedding. It's not that I didn't love the season. I loved the parties and the people when there wasn't so much pressure wrapped up in it. I was only able to have two relaxed seasons. The first time was easy, I wrote a letter to my father to save me because Daphne is a genius.

Dear father,

I know that we haven't talked much about my season. Correction— we never talk about my season, but I think you are the only one that is going to understand why I am asking you this. I am scared. I'm not ready to get married. I know mother wants me to. I know she thinks it will be what's best, but I just need a little more time. I need to know what these parties are like. I need to know what I can handle and what I can't. I need to know what type of man I am looking for. I know mother thinks I'm ready, but she's not always right. I'm begging you. Please, save me.

Love,

Charlotte

Dear Daphne,

It worked. I sent my father a letter begging him to save me and that is exactly what he did. He said I can spend the season with you and Violet without the pressure. If it happens than it happens, but he's not going to force me into something I'm not ready. And to think I thought this idea of yours wasn't going to work. I can't wait to see you!!!

Love,

Charlotte

The second time was more of an accident. Well, more like everything aligning the right way and my mother getting sick a week before season started. She couldn't get out of bed, which meant she couldn't run the house with her usual power. So, she sent me to send another season with the Bridgertons while she worked on getting the house back in order. I don't know what she did that took a whole season, but I wasn't going to complain. I didn't have to force myself into a marriage I didn't want because my mother was too busy to make sure I did. It was all I could have hoped for.

I remember when I used to enjoy this and I feel like it's been so long since I was actually that excited. But who had time to be excited now. I'll just wait in bed for my mother to find me someone I don't want to marry. Maybe she can plan it without me leaving the bed.

I don't know exactly how long I stayed in bed, but the sun had went down by the time I got off the bed. I walked out of my bedroom with full plans to pace through the house until the sun came up and then I would go back to my bedroom. Now, walking around the house would be perfect, but I've technically been in the house all day. I may have been in one spot the whole time, but it still counts. It's not like anyone can argue with me.