Loving Lord Bridgerton

Chapter Nineteen

I had gotten used to be married rather quickly. At first it was easy. He spent most night with me in our bed. Violet had moved out of the Bridgerton home demanding that the newly weds needed their privacy. At first I wouldn't have argued because I agreed. Especially after the way Anthony touched me in the drawing room. But soon after Violet moved out, Anthony slowed down how many times he was home. I don't know what happened. He was home all the time to gone all day until I was sleep. I thought everything was perfect. Then like clockwork, my mother came to visit. I knew I shouldn't talk to her about my marriage, but that didn't stop the words from leaving my mouth. "I think my marriage is in trouble." I admitted, looking down at the tea in my hands. I'm not sure it's a good idea, but I could not take the words back now.

"What seems to be the problem?" My mother asked, drinking the tea with a calming effect.

"I don't know. He was here all the time. I thought we were happy, but now...he's never home."

"Do you think he is with someone else?"

"No! He said he wouldn't, if I didn't turn him away and I haven't."

"For some men that's not enough."

I sniffed, trying to fight the tears. "What do I do?"

My mom set her cup of tea down on the coffee table before moving over to sit on the couch with me. She wrapped herself around me in a way she has done in so long. "I'm going to give you the same advice that my mother gave me. You need to have a heir. A many as you can. That is the only way you are going to be able to ensure your future."

I didn't want to listen to her, but I couldn't help but feel she is right.

"I know you trust your husband, and I'm not saying you shouldn't. But, if something were to happen and you do not have a son, you will not be protected. You are a Bridgerton by marriage not by love." I heard the waiver in her voice that made me look over at her. The way she stared at the ground in front of her told me, the words she was saying...were not her own. For the first time, I think I saw her heart break. Father said she changed after a meeting with her mother. I started to wonder if I would too. I could see how I would.

My mother left and I decided to take a walk. My mother was never the loving type, but this was different. I felt like she actually meant it. She is right. I am only a Bridgerton by marriage. If he would die tomorrow, I would lost. I can't even get him to stay with me anymore. At least with a child, I would be taken care of. Our child would have Bridgerton blood. Bridgertons take care of their family. I can't make Anthony stay with me, but I will have a child before another woman. I don't know who he is with, but I will not let his first child be with anyone else.

I pulled myself out of my own head realizing all the water falling around me. I didn't even realize that it started raining until I was already soaked in the rain. Dorota ushered me into the house in a panic. She got a warm bath ready to warm me up. She tried to give me one of her special teas, but I only want to go to bed. I know Anthony won't be home. He makes it rather clear he has no intentions of coming home.

I got into bed, trying to convince myself that the coldness was due to the rain. It took hours for Anthony to finally come into the bedroom, and I was no where near sleeping this time. I can't even remember the last time I waited up for him. I was tired of being disappointed. It was all perfect and then it wasn't. I heard him stumbling around, I'm sure to remove his clothes, before getting into bed. Anthony rather enjoyed getting into bed bare naked. Something is telling me that he was doing it to mess with me. I felt the bed dip behind me as he slid under the blanket with me. I told myself to pretend I was sleeping. There was no reason for him to know I was awake. At least not tonight. "I know you're awake." His voice broke through the night silence.