DESIDERIUM

thirty eight

"Rafael!" Adrian and Levi storm into the room, followed shortly after the Beta, the three of them watching me and Alpha Everett closely.

"Rafael, are you okay?" Levi asks hesitantly, and reaches out to touch me, but I flinch, my gaze never leaving Alpha Everetts one.

That was my mother.

Alpha Everett has a picture of my mother framed and apparently on the desk in his office.

"I'm sorry for this, Alpha," the Beta apologizes, grabbing my arm harshly, pulling me towards him, and I don't even resist, too shocked at the happenings from only a moment ago.

"Let him go," Alpha Everett orders him, and the grip on my arms loosens, confusing me.

He puts the picture down, and I follow it with my eyes, before looking at the Alpha again.

"Rafael, let's go," Adrian decides, his cold gaze fixed on Alpha Everett, and he wants to pull me towards him, but I don't move.

"Rafael, come on," Levi whispers softly, and I finally snap my gaze away from the Alpha, looking at my mates, at their worried faces, and I nod, even if barely.

"Thank you for your time, Alpha Everett," Adrian tells him formally, and I know he's probably disappointed, but I can't seem to make myself care.

Why does he have a picture of my mother?

Just as we're about to walk out the door, Alpha Everett calls out to us.

"Wait," he heaves out a sigh, his eyes closing, as if debating with himself. I almost bump into Adrian, who takes a sudden halt.

He turns around, his arms crossed across his chest, and he glances at me, before fixing his gaze on Alpha Everett.

"Tell me what's been happening at your pack."

The Alphas eyes lock with mine, and I try to keep my face blank. He doesn't know that I recognized the woman. My reaction may have been weird, but he doesn't need to know why.

For some reason, I don't want him to know what just happened.

I don't even know what happened, and I don't think I want to know.

*

I don't know what time it is when Adrian finishes his report to the other Alpha.

All I've been able to think about is that picture, and the way everything in this room, this house, even the pack, suddenly feels familiar, my mind certainly playing tricks at me.

And then there's my wolf, who still hasn't reacted to any of my attempts at reaching him.

Levi has been watching me closely the whole time, all the while answering Alpha Everetts questions and embodying his Beta role perfectly.

At some point my mind drifted of to Adam, and I swallowed, feeling guilty. I need to talk to him, and why he's doing this.

I really do, and I know that. It's wrong that I haven't said anything about it to my mates, that man is a danger, but something is just holding me back.

Maybe because he knows parts about me that even I don't know. Not anymore.

Listening to some things Adrian said, I know this isn't just some game anymore, and it has been happening for some time now. Longer than I've been back at the pack.

"Thank you, Alpha Everett," Adrian finally stands up, shaking me out of my thoughts, and all of them shake hands, while I stay in the back, just watching them.

"It's quite late... do you need a place to stay?" Alpha Everett offers in an impersonal manner, sparing me a glance, and I almost scoff loudly.

No, I really fucking don't.

"Thank you for the offer, but we should be fine taking turns at driving," Levi kindly declines, and I almost sigh out relieved.

I don't think I'd be able to to sleep with the knowledge of us sleeping in Alpha Everetts territory.

Especially because of my reaction earlier and the fact that he doesn't know why I reacted the way I did.

What if he kidnaps me in my sleep?

I shake my head a little at my stupid thoughts. I definitely need to sleep, otherwise I'll go mental, that's for sure.

Neither me nor Alpha Everett want to talk about what's happened, and that's fine by me. Alpha Everett doesn't know why I reacted the way I did, I don't know why he reacted the way he did and that's how it should be.

Or at least I'm telling myself that.

"My warriors will be with you in two days, at the latest."

"Thank you for your help, Alpha Everett. We won't forget it."

The Alpha just nods stoically, and our gazes meet, his eyes holding something in them, something I can't decipher.

"Goodbye," he tells us, his voice an edge to it, but softer than it was before, and I look away from him, my brain fuzzy all of a sudden.

We bid our goodbyes, and finally leave the house.

I breath in the night air, trying to get some clarity in my mind, but I'm still left feeling dazed and confused.

"Come on Rafael," Levi tells me softly, putting his arm around my waist, and I know the both of them sense that something's wrong, but don't want to seem pushy.

I'm glad, because I wouldn't know what to tell them.

I don't even know if there is something wrong, or if I'm just being stupid.

Maybe that wasn't even the woman from my dreams. Maybe I imagined it. But the feeling in my gut tells me otherwise.

I don't allow myself to think about it further, and push all of it aside when I get into the car, closing my eyes and just wanting to drift off to sleep.

"That was... interesting," Levi murmurs silently, and I can feel both of their stares, but don't react to them in any way.

At least we got our help, right?

"Yeah," Adrian sighs, and starts the car, and before I fall into a slumber, I see the picture before my eyes, only now really realizing that the woman was holding a child in her arms.

A child that has the same eyes as I do.

But the fleeting thought is forgotten when I fall asleep almost instantly.

gaslighting himself, huh.