smiled

12 3 12
                                    

I walked the halls by myself with my headphones at full volume

I wanted to block out the sounds of people talking. 

Were they talking about going to a party this weekend? Were they talking about the math test they just failed? Or was it about someone who made their cheeks red and their stomach flutter.

I wouldn't know.

I wanted to fit in more than anything. To be beautiful.

I see a group of girls wearing perfectly fitting jeans and various colored sweaters. Their hair is perfectly curled with their perfectly glossed lips turned up in a smile that is blindingly beautiful.

I turn my eyes away. I can't bear to look at them. They're so beautiful. Why can't I be?

I turn the corner and a boy walks with a girl that's almost a foot shorter than him. I can't hear what they say but they laugh with a twinkle in their eyes that says more than words ever could. She has beautifully cropped black hair with wispy strands framing her perfectly shaped face.

A group of boys comes from behind them playful fighting each other with smiles plastered on their face as if that's their permanent expression. One of the boys has curly hair framing his face with a smile that looks as if it could ease anyway it shines on.

Smiles.

Smiled.

Smiling

I push the door to the bathroom open and look at myself in the mirror.

Limp wet strands of hair.

Dull brown eyes.

Stupid, stupid, stupid freckles.

Sharp nose.

Angry eyebrows.

Stupid, stupid, stu-

SMASH.

I pull my fist back from the shattered and cracker mirror,

and 

                I 

                          smile.

_______________________________________________________________

Word count- 256

Written- October 20, 2023

Published- October 20, 2023

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