Why Do Tears Keep Falling

When Hope Disappear

Hurtful, painful memories. Memories of deep regrets. Memories of hurting others and being hurt. Memories of being abandoned. 

Only those with such memories buried in their hearts can become stronger, more passionate, and emotionally flexible. 

And only those can attain happiness. So don't forget any of it. Remember it all and overcome it. If you don't overcome it, you'll always be a kid whose soul never grows.

These are the lines she has been cramming for a long, not because she didn't have the words off-hand, but because they're like therapy sessions she kept going through for years.

Being alone, living in a place with only the white ceiling to keep staring at. walls to touch and remember the texture of the paint has made her realize that her life is nothing but a picture portrayed in a dark room, drawn with black canvas and design in a destiny that will never change.

She looked through the window, trying to compare her now hopeless life with the beautiful one she had before, but she couldn't do it. Suddenly, she felt a bile rose in her throat and the feeling of being held in a cage. She tried to forget it, but the grief was holding her.

She has mastered the keys of unlocking her grief, tormented life, her sadness and the tragedy that fails to let go of her but anytime she finds herself in that situation. It's like all those keys are new to her and she has to find an escape to her current situation.

Slowly, with steady steps, she tried to control her raging heart and she succeeded in doing that. She finally looked up at the blue sky and something about how it looked made her smile a little bit.

Not all faces wore a beautiful smile. Some smiles are sadly beautiful, some are brokenly beautiful, some are depressingly beautiful and some are beautifully beautiful. Only the lucky ones wore the beautiful smiles for long. 

She may not have the eyes to see beautiful things again after the incident because there is nothing beautiful to see in this place except pain and agony, but looking up at the blue sky when it shines is the most beautiful sight to her it cools her mind, knowing that there is something to feel safe around, something as beautiful as the blue sky. 

Even though her life is in shambles, she can still remember her family and the good times they shared. Their last meal, their last laughter and the last moment they spent together as people whom the earth brought together under one shelter before the inevitable happen.  

She can still hear the sound of the gun when she is alone echoing in her ears. 

Her sister's beautiful face as the bullet comes in speed and rips her heart, leaving her lifeless body in the pool of blood and they couldn't do anything. Her other sister's wails as she soaked in her blood will forever be a traumatizing event to her.

The ear-splitting sound of her mother's scream as she wailed and begged for help but there was nothing they could do about it and just like that blood started coming from under her.

They watch, she is there till her mother stops breathing and stops moving and all she can do is stare at her. Hoping everything is a dream.

She can still remember her father collapsing on the ground making a thud close to their mother's lifeless body because he couldn't look anymore, it's an unfair and unforgiving act to see his wife take her last breath in such a manner.

She looked because, within the blink of some minutes, their once happy life was changed to something brutal and undeserving.

She clung to her body and screamed hoping her voice would be heard, but since she could not talk, she only knew sign language, no one could understand her, even if she wanted to pour her pain out.

This isn't real, she screamed in her brain, but it's already real.
Her pulse throbbed in her ears as a bile crept up into her mouth. She froze when a hand touched her and she was dragged away. It hurt.

"No!" She screamed, but she was dragged away, away from the bodies of her family, till their shadow began to fade away from her sight before everything around her slowed down.

Her eyes roll, a strange feeling of unusual pain stabbed on her abdomen before she hears another gunshot, and just like that, she welcomes a new darkness, hoping it will come with a better tomorrow, not knowing that, that darkness has come prepared.

She helps cool her mind before she tries to forget about that day and the day that follows because they're filled with nothing but pain in them.

Back then, her life was filled with endless days of dreaming of being somewhere else. But, now when she looked back, she realized that what she truly missed were the moments that had passed. Although she wanted to be very different from who she was, she was able to do everything because she was the most like her. When we don't lose ourselves, regardless of whom we're living as, we are capable of doing anything, but the thing is, she has now lost herself a very long time ago. 

She doesn't know who she is. Pain comes in different species and each one stands on it's own. But her pain is like the night's star that hides because it doesn't want to be exposed to the brightening moon.

And, even if she wants to make a wish to that star, it is to plead for it to take her up and hide her, not for her to stay in this world where the moon brightens and exposes people to pain.

This life is tough and painful. This is a living hell. And dwelling on those fears will turn your life into hell, and she believes this is her hell.

A HELL IN THE LAND OF THE LIVING.

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Alhamdulillah finally I'm back after a long break. I can't believe I was off for almost 10months cox this is the longest time I've ever been away. This year is one of the most hardest year I've ever come across but Alhamdulillah I'm back after a lot of persuasion. I can't believe even wattpad send a direct message to me asking me to come back if I've incomplete book and finish it. A lot of amazing souls do check up on me and I'm very grateful for that. Jazakhallahu khairan.

The thing is we plan, we propose but Allah also plans, dispose and he is the best of planners and disposer.

My plan was to finish the book anywhere around May and starts a new book but here we're in December writing the same book. I know a lot of you forget about the book, but can you please go back and read the previous chapters? but if you're good to go without going back lets continue the journey and I prayed I will not disappear again.

Let's connect on Instagram @Eesha_Speaks $ @Eeshas_Deluxe

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Alhamdulillah For The Gifts Of Life And Health Ya Hayyu Ya Qayyum.

With Love Aeesha_Ahmad🖤.