Jasper (Devil's Ranyne MC Book 3)

chapter 13

Jasper

I know I'll never deserve addies forgiveness. Sitting here with her curled up against my chest sobbing proves it. I broke her again. My strong, beautiful girl.

"I'm sorry, peach." I tell her again, placing a kiss on the crown of her head.

"You left me." She sobs. "You left me to deal with my mom all alone. You knew how she was Jay, and you fucking left me. I hate you. I hate you so much. You chose them, you chose this life over me." I feel her nails digging into my back with her rage.

I sit there and take the pain, it's the least I can do. "I know, I wish I could go back and change it."

"You can't. You can't go back and hold my hair while I puked my guts out for months when I was pregnant. You can't go back and be there when I was in labor for 26hours. You can't go back and see mavs first steps, first day of school, his first football game. You can't go back to stop me from being with a man who beat the shit out of me. And I fucking hate you for it all."

The lump forming In my throat grows. I try to swallow it down before speaking. It doesn't work my words come out choked. "There's nothing I can ever say to make any of that better. All I can do is to promise to be here for everything else. I won't miss anything else for you or mav. I will protect you both with my life. No one will ever lay another hand on you addie. I'll never leave you again, I promise."

She doesn't respond. He body continues to tremble in my arms. "I love you addie." I whisper as the tears make their way down my face falling into her hair.

I don't know how long we're sitting there before her breathing slows as she falls asleep. I sink farther back into the couch. I love the way addie feels curled up on my lap. I hate the circumstances that brought us here though. I'm the only one who holds any blame for any of it.

I don't fight consciousness as I feel my eyes growing heavy. It's not the most comfortable way to sleep, but I don't care. She's comfortable that's all that matters. My main focus in life now is her and my son.

"You're just going to hurt her. " I hear mav say as I blink the sleep from my eyes.

I stare into the eyes of my son. "No, mav. I'm going to fight for her I'm going to fight for the both of you."

"I don't believe you jay."

"You don't have to believe me. I'm going to prove it to you and her."

"What if she decides you're not what she wants?"

His words are like a knife through he heart. It's not something I want to think is even possible, but I know his words hold truth. What if addie wants to leave? What if she never wants to see me again? What if her and mav disappeared and I never saw them again? What if I never get a second chance at my first, my only love?

It's not about me. I gave put them both through enough. They deserve to be happy, even if it's not with me.

"Then I'll let her go. Don't make a mistake, though, mav. I will always love your mom. I have never stopped loving her. I didn't deserve her then and I sure as fuck don't deserve either of you now. I will always do everything I can to protect you both. I'm sorry I failed before."

"You should have never left her."

I release a havy sigh tightening my arms around a still sleeping addie, "I know. I will regret it for the rest of ny life."

"You should." He nods. "If she decides she wants to leave. If she decides she wants nothing to do with you, you need to let her go. She more than anyone I'm this world deserves to be happy. Promise me."

It's not a promise I want to make, and one I hope to hell that I don't have to keep. But it's one I know I will keep, I'd do anything for them including breaking my own heart, again. "Yes mav. I promise." I whisper and and for the second tome in less than twenty four hours I feel the tears prick at my eyes.

"I'm going for a run." He says

"Stay in the compound." I tell him as he makes his way to the door.

He doesn't respond, doesn't even acknowledge I said anything to him at all.

I know I'm in for the fight of my life. It's a fight that I'm willing to lay down my life for. I would do anything to have my beautiful peach and my son. I just pray to whatever God will listen that they give me a shot.

When addie woke up she asked me to leave. I did as she asked. When I walked into the club house I made my way to prez's office. "Come in" I hear behind the door.

"Hey prez" I take a seat across from him.

"What's up, jasper?" He asks laying his phone on his desk giving me his slfull attention.

"How'd you do it?"

"Do what?" He asks skeptically. .

"All of it? How did you get petyton forgive you for everything with the club girls? How did you form a relationship with ari after all the years she grew up without you?"

Prez let's out a long breath. "Hate to tell you this brother, but the ari situation was a little different. Her mom knew where I was. It wasn't on me that I wasn't in her life. Her mom deliberately kept ari from me. She lied to me, the faked DNA documents. From what you have told me, your woman had no idea where you were you dropped off the face of the earth."

I clenched my fists. "I thought I was doing what was best for her. I thought I was saving her from myself. I thought she would be better off without me."

"Jasper, I know you did, but she wasn't. You tried to do the right thing, I get that. We're all a bunch of fuck ups. The key to this crazy life is finding the people who are going to stand by you through them. Would addie have stood by you through your fuck ups back then?"

I take a moment to go back in time before I answer. "Yes, but that's the point, prez. She shouldn't have had to. She was supposed to go to college and have a good life. She was supposed to marry an asshole who got up in the morning and put in a suit. She was supposed to have a picket fence, two point five kids,and a dog."

"That was never going to happen, Jasper. She loved you. You were never going to have that future, even if you didn't get busted. You're a good man for what you thought you were saving her from, but was it worth it?"

I shake my head, "No,"

"There's no right answer for this situation. There's no words that are going to fix everything. Nothing will ever be able to repair everything her or your son has been through. All you can do is be there for both of them. They get to make the final call on what they want from you. Can, I give you a piece of advice?"

I nod my head.

"Stay far the fuck away from the club sluts and keep your dick tucked in your pants."