Not your soulmate♡

~Chapter 55~

♡Eun-hye pov♡

One more chance....

One more chance, one... more chance...one more? One more....?

I frown hard biting down on the inside of my cheek almost tasting the metalic taste of blood from how hard I'm biting as I rub the towel harshly in my hair feeling as if I'm skinning my scalp from the harshness. My whole body is shivering from the cold even though I took a long hot shower the moment I got home and am now currently wearing the warmest comfort clothes I have. The cold still seeps through and my movements feel sluggish as I stop rubbing hair hair letting out a long sigh and releasing the flesh inside of my cheek feeling the dull pangs of pain shooting from there that I ignore focusing on my mind instead.

The words from earlier have repeated so many times in my mind that I don't even feel they make sense anymore or that any of the things that happened was real. From one moment being with my friends having a great time after a tough week and happily hearing of Aera having an amazing date to seeing my ex and running after him for some reason to have a serious conversation in the middle of the sidewalk in the rain.

What is my life anymore....

"What a day huh...." I let out a unamused chuckle staring straight ahead of myself at my bedroom wall by the door and feel all my emotions laid bare only to myself. A tear rolls down my cheek and I wipe it before silently crying feeling overwhelmed about everything. It's like a truck running me over and just staying on me not moving along to let me end the suffering of the weight and now the truck just got extra baggage on it trapping me until I face it and solve it again.

I can't even be mad at anyone but myself for facing Jungkook again and talking. I let my emotions take the lead blindly and selfishly this time and I can't take it back even if I want to. This time I made the first move and even went as dramatic as standing in the rain for so long that it would be a mystery if I don't get sick from it. It just adds onto reasons of why this will be stuck running in circles in my mind and why I won't even try to defend myself when Aera scolds me for not having an umbrella or drying my hair faster and being bundled up in many blankets to get more heat back.

But a most likely sickness is taking the back seat to the main problem in my mind

No matter how hard I'm trying to stay together I know it affected me deeply today and all the emotions rush forward that I tended to avoid and hoped to avoid further along for the day. Everything that has been happening feels back-to-back and that leaves a numb trail of emotions thrumming lightly under my skin just waiting for me to shut down from everything.

I can't ever say that I didn't imagine something like this after seeing the full mark would happen since it always seems to happen. The meeting always seem to happen even when I don't want to meet them again but I was the one to run after him. I was the one to innituate the next meeting and no matter how hard I try to see what my reasons were I can't see the right reason in them.

I was angry...sad...hurt...and still am...that's why I followed

Now that the emotions have settled from the hightened state they were in when I saw him I can't help but rethink how I approached it and feel guilty for attacking first. It was done with my heart filled with only withheld things that I needed to let out but I know that he wouldn't really make me the villian of it all, not him.

Yet what's done is done....

No matter how dumb it was I still followed and now am facing the next decision so fast that it feels as if it is too sudden to choose even if the answers should be obvious. Staying in a zone stuck is never the answer, not again and it seems part of my mind tried to move forward by seeking answers before getting stuck again. I judge that part of myself wishing I could have just stayed in the café enjoying my time there and then hope things would work out in the end without confrontation.