The Villain Who Returned Wants to Rest

10: Facing the Past is Often Difficult

Caution!

The following contains dark themes. Self loathing and suicide are present in multiple chapters. This story gets lighter as it progress, but be advised that the beginning is rather dark.(?)

Current chapter has depictions of existential crisis/identity struggle, child neglect and abuse, trauma, implied violence, as well as psychological and psycological distress. Please be warned.

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The youngest prince sometimes wished that he wasn't an Oriel. 

That his hair was brown instead of white. Alex hates his white hair. He hates it so much. The only good thing is that it's slightly wavy, similar to his dad's, so he can pretend that the white was brown. He's let it grow long, similar to his dad's long hair.

It was unfair how quickly the older man's hair grew! It's already been two years since he's started to let it grow, and yet his dad's hair has already reached his waist while Alex's was merely at his upper back. 

He still hasn't figured out the secret to having his hair grow so quickly, but he'll get there one day!

Alex liked having long hair, it reminded him of his dad's long hair. He really liked looking like him. He even tried to copy his hairstyle. 

Alex loves his dad a lot!

...

He also wants to abandon his last name.

Alex wants to abandon his last name, the tie that binds him to the rest of the royal family. It seemed like such a random thought, but it was one he'd always wished for. The young boy couldn't even inherit the last name Blade. The Church would never let a person with the Blessing of Lord Kain have such a lowly last name. Not that he hated the Church for that! He's grateful to the nice priests, really he is! He just... Wished they weren't so scared of him...

He doesn't like being an Oriel. Doesn't like how alone he feels, how father and mother don't love him. Their hate is like poison to his heart.

How his brothers treat him like dirt, and how his sister doesn't even treat him like he exists. Perhaps his third brother might be nice to him, but the older boy was always with his older sister. Alex wonders if the two of them would have been nice to him. Surely they know about his existence, after all, two of his eldest brothers already knew about him. So why do they pretend he isn't there? Like he doesn't exist? Why do they never visit him? 

Why is he always alone?

Is it because they hate him too? Alex hopes they don't. He wants to be loved by his family, is that too much to ask?

(It was)

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Waking up with barely any memories of what happened before going unconscious has become rather normal for him now. Fainting too, for some reason, has become more and more common to him. Stupid weak body needing so much rest.

It should be concerning, is concerning, but Kim Lee Hyu couldn't fully bring himself to care. Damn, his head feels like it's splitting into two. He feels like his brain is giving birth. Like his head is going to explode once it's hit, just like a piñata.