Loving the Ice Queen

Chapter 21

Barbara

Eleanor hugged me for the fifth time in an hour. I was with her in the airport. Eleanor would spend Christmas with John and his family.

With the holiday season in full swing, Eleanor couldn't find a plane ticket at such a short notice. I had called in a favor in order to get her a spot. It was a first class ticket, and Eleanor was excited for it.

"Maybe I should just stay and spend Christmas with you," Eleanor said when people started boarding the plane. I lost count of how many times she had said that.

"Don't be silly." I straightened Eleanor's coat lapels and brushed my hand over her hair.

Since admitting that touch no longer bothered me, Eleanor and I had been very physical with each other. It was like we were compensating for all those years we couldn't even hug.

"Fine, but don't spend it alone," Eleanor said. "Call Ryan. You still haven't told him yet, have you?"

"Don't worry about it and go," I said, gently pushing her toward the line. "You'll be late. Tell John I said Hi."

The flight attendant called for the last stragglers. Eleanor went in, disappearing with a wave and teary eyes.

I smiled at her, feeling my heart break a little. Eleanor spending Christmas away was the first taste I would have of living away from her.

Going back to my car, I checked my phone for the tenth time that day. Ryan had confirmed our movie date for this evening, but ever since the party at his mother's house, he seemed... distant.

It was probably my imagination. After all, I couldn't really tell when someone was being distant simply over the phone, could I?

I drove home, thoughts of Ryan and Jeremy plaguing my head. I'd told Eleanor I would accept their invitation to spend Christmas with them. But Jeremy's mother would be there now. I would be intruding on a family Christmas.

I was also honest enough with myself to admit that Miranda's presence would make me uncomfortable. No, that was not the word. It would make me envious.

I was falling for Ryan, and Jeremy already had my heart. To be faced with someone who had the right to their time and affection while I watched from the sides, would drive home the point that I would always be what I was; an outsider.

I shook my head. It wasn't like Miranda was actually married to the man. She was simply his ex-wife. Although they did share an amazing child together...

Annoyed by the direction of my futile thoughts, I focused on our evening movie date. The movie we settled on was a comedy. I was so thrilled. I'd always wanted to go to the movies, but had been so terrified that I would freak out in the middle of it because of the darkness.

Having Ryan with me should not, logically, change anything. But it did. He made me feel safe.

For so long, the only person I ever counted on was myself. But Ryan had somehow barreled through my thick, icy walls with his pigheaded curiosity and warmth and honesty. He made me feel as though I was a normal person, not one who was still chained by the memories of a twisted childhood.

***

"I'm home!"

Pirate gave a bark somewhere from the living room but did not come to greet me. I found him lying on the carpet, with Pepper and Pie sleeping on him, his tail drumming a beat on ground. Awe. I snapped a few pictures with my phone and sent them to my sister. She would see them once she landed in Houston.