Until Death- Paul Lahote

12

!TW! THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS SEXUAL STUFF. CONTINUE READING ON YOUR OWN BEHALF!

The whole patrol I was thinking about Paul. Jared was obviously annoyed but there was nothing I could do.

While we were younger I never noticed him much.
Yes, he was around a lot but I never really saw him. I thought he was cute but that was it. I never saw a chance with Paul. I never saw it actually happen. And now... now I can't even think about a life without him. Sure, the imprint has changed the way I see him but it's not only that. I've come to the realization that I've liked Paul for quite some time. I just never wanted to see it because of James and also myself. I was scared. Scared of not seeing him like my brother's little friend anymore. Scared of not seeing him as the cute Paul anymore. Scared of loosing whatever dynamic we used to have.
I didn't realize the way I would smile at him was slightely different from the way I did with everyone else. I didn't realize the way my eyes instantly searched for him in the crowd. I didn't realize how seeing him actually made my day better.

So, my face lights up as I see him standing infront of the house, his hands in the pockets of his shirts as he nervously taps his foot. I chuckle at how nervous he looks. His head shoots up with slightely widened eyes and I hear him suck in a breath as he stares at me. His eyes are soft and I know for sure that he's not feeling too sure about what he's doing right now. The last time he came over he kissed me and we made out before I threw him out of the house.
"Hey" he says, standing tall.
"Hey" I say with a tiny smile. "Come on. Let's go to the barn. I don't want my dad and Jake to wake up" I state. He nods, avoiding my eyes and I start walking. It hurts me how he's around me. Not as content and comfortable as he used to be. He's nervous and unsure of himself, making me feel horrible because I know it's my fault.
I lead him inside and close the door behind us again as quiet as possible. I take a glance at our surroundings, noticing that Jake has two bikes in here. I narrow my eyes for a sec before shaking it off. It's none of my business and there's more important things to take care of.
Actually, the one important person in my life.
He looks at me with an unsure look.
"You want to sit down?" I ask him but he doesn't speak. His gaze is fixed on the ground infront of me, making me feel uncomfortable and wrap my arms around myself. I stare at him, waiting for any reaction or any word but nothing happens. He's just staring at the grovel on the ground, looking hurt.

"Alia, I can't do this anymore" he says, his gaze now fixing on mine. I stare at him unable to breath.
"What?" I ask him, making him sigh. He takes his hands out of his pockets and takes a step forward.
"Whatever this is," he says, looking back and forth between us. "I can't do it anymore"
I feel like someone has ripped my heart out. Like actually ripped it out.
"What- What do you mean?" I ask him quietly, feeling helpless. For the first time in my life I actually feel helpless. I feel like falling, but not the good kind. Like everything is falling apart around me and I can't do anything about it. And instead of holding me tight, he pushes me further down the hole.
I stare at him, tears brimming in my eyes. I can't help it.
"Alia, do you actually know how much you've hurt me? I- I thought you really liked me and then you pushed me away" he says and sighs. "I know that it was Sam but I'm not sure how many times I can handle a blow like that anymore. I need you to tell me I'm yours. To make me feel okay again. You know how guilty I felt for kissing you? I mean, it was the best thing I've ever done and I thought you liked it too but then you... you threw me out. And I was devestated and an hour later Sam and Jared are infront of my door telling me that we're fucking wolves. Sam assured me you were okay and that you didn't mean it like that but how was I supposed to believe that? You- You've confused me, Alia. You really have"
A tear slips my eyes. "I never intended to" I say, hurt flashing in his eyes.

"And after I imprinted on you today I finally felt what you felt all this time. And- And you still managed to keep away from me a- and make me feel like a fucking idiot for believing anything could happen between us. You gave me hope, Alia"
"I'm not sorry" I state, him looking at me confusedly. "It's what I had to do. You didn't have to be in this world yet and I was dangerous. I was a danger to all of you and you know it. I had no choice. I wanted to keep away from you but not because I didn't want the imprint. You don't know how many times I had to stop myself from just walking over and crashing you in a hug or even more. You don't know how much I suffered for your safety" I say, anger glacing in his eyes.
"Maybe I didn't want you to keep me safe" he says, making me stare at him in disbelief. "Look, I- I love you and I need to know that you love me too because if not then I'll leave you be. But, Alia, I'm so fucking tired of running after you all the time and getting nothing in return" he says, my eyes widening.