The Weight Of Deafness In Love And Survival

Chapter 19 - Mistake

When I stir awake and slowly sit up, I notice that it was lighter in the cave so it must be morning now. Looking over to the entrance I found there was no longer toxic fog outside and that Bellamy was standing there, his back to me and body seemingly tense, as he looks out. I take a deep breath before I hesitantly question "B-Bell-Bellamy?" He relaxes and seems to chuckle before he turns around to look at me, a look that seemed to say 'Wanna try that again?' on his face.

I look down a moment before I take another deep breath and back up at him and question "Everything okay, Bellamy?" "Just fine, Butterfly. The fog started dissipating a few minutes ago so I think we'll be fine to go back soon." He tells me with look that screamed 'there you go.' Before a smirk comes on his face as he adds "Unless you want us to send Charlotte back while we stay and spend some quality time together if you know what I mean." My face flares as I blink at him in surprise a second before I quickly look away from him while flipping him off and telling him "I won't go to pound town with you." All while my face already started cooling.

Once my face was cooled, I looked back at Bellamy and noticed he was still turned to face me, his smirk almost that smile, as he then questioned "Pound town?" "Isn't that what Murphy called it?" I question, wondering if I got it wrong, and something I couldn't place flickers across his face a second before he nods and then says "It was, but I think what I do deserves a better name. Especially if it's with you."

I roll my eyes before I get an idea and give him a small smile as I sign "You can go screw yourself Bellamy." He clearly chuckles before telling me "You know I'm pretty sure I know what you just said there anyway. You just told me to go screw myself again." But then he does something that surprises me; he clumsily tries to sign his name, but instead of Bellamy it was Bellsny, before asking "That's my name, right?" I breathed out a small laugh before getting up and going over to him saying "Not quite, Bellsny."

"Bellsny?" He asks his head tilted to the side slightly as he looks down at me now, clearly interested in what I'm now doing. "Just give me your hand and I'll show you what to do, Bellsny." I tell him with a chuckle while holding a hand out to him. He looks at me a moment, his face flickering with that indescribable one, before slowly putting his hand in mine asking "If I get it right will you stop calling me Bellsny?" "Don't think I will, Bellsny." I tell him with a chuckle as I look down before slowly using my hands to manipulate his to correctly fingerspell his name telling him "B, E, L, L, A, M, Y. That's Bellamy." While I did so.

"Now you try." I tell him, keeping my eyes on his hand as I take my hands away and take a step back. Slowly his hand moved to sign his name to himself before signing it to me, each letter more confident, and this time instead of Bellsny it was correct. I nod, feeling my smile grow a little, and look back up at his face telling him "You got it now, Bellsny. See the difference?" "Yeah." He tells me, his smirk nearly shifting to his smile, before he asks "Since you're obviously not going to stop calling me Bellsny. What's my reward?"

"I guess if you really want me to stop calling you that I can." I tell him but he almost instantly tells me "Don't you dare." While he steps closer to me. I blink up at him in surprise and confusion hesitantly asking "I-If that's not what you want, what is?" He just looked at me, his face serious, as he steps even closer to me, so our bodies were almost touching. I swallow hard, my heart starting to pound in my chest and my face starting to heat up again, before slowly asking "W-what do you want?" as I search his face for answers. He wouldn't ask for me to take my wristband off again, right?

"Right now not what you're thinking." He tells me, his face flickering with that indescribable one, as he reaches up, gently tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, and instead of taking his hand away he cups my face causing me to breathe out "B-Bellamy?" "What happened to Bellsny, Butterfly?" He questions as his other hand snakes around my waist pulling me even closer and I swallow hard again before placing my hands on his chest, gently pushing, and slowly asking "W-what are you doing?" This didn't feel the same as when he was clearly messing with me...it almost felt...real. But there's no way it could be anything but him messing with me...right?

He doesn't answer, instead his eyes flick down a second before meeting mine fully with that indescribable look, causing my breath to hitch. "Bell-" I start but am cut off when he leans in, closing the distance between us, and his lips meet mine in a gentle kiss. I was frozen in shock a moment before I can't help but respond, closing my eyes and my hands moving from his chest to wrap around his neck. In the next moment the kiss deepens as the hand around my waist pulls me even closer and his other slides to the back of my neck and I find myself getting lost in the sensations.

When we finally pulled apart, I was left breathless and dazed as I slid my hands back down to his chest and open my eyes to find Bellamy looking at me with that smirk that's almost his smile. His hand gently brushes a stray hair from my face again as he then tells me "That is what I wanted." That's when reality crashes back into me and I feel tears start to well up in my eyes before I push him away while taking a few quick steps back looking down at my feet whispering "I'm done playing this game with you Bellamy." My first kiss wasn't anything I thought it would be. Though I had to admit it felt nice it was a lie. One I couldn't believe. Not even half a day and my want to trust Bellamy was already a mistake. The price wasn't as high as I would have thought but it still hurt.

I feel a hand on my shoulder as his feet appear in my vision and I quickly push it away before signing a harsh "Stop." While glaring up at him; my hands stinging from the harsh connection of the sign. Shock and something that couldn't be regret flash in his eyes as his hand lingered in the air a moment before he slowly withdrew it and opened his mouth. But before he could tell me anything I turned away from him and notice Charlotte is awake, sitting up, and had been clearly watching the interaction again as her eyes were flicking between us.

"Is everything okay?" she asks, her eyes never stopping their quick looking between us, and I nod opening my mouth to respond to her just a second before I remember Bellamy was still next to me and quickly shut it and look down while motioning towards Bellamy, signaling for her to talk to him. I couldn't bring myself to speak around him right now. Any trust that he'd meant what he said about anything gone. It was all just to get my wristband off like I'd thought. I'm so stupid, so...pathetic, for believing for half a second the words of Bellamy Blake.

After a few moments of them probably talking Charlotte's feet appear in my vision and her hand takes mine. Slowly I look at her and when my eyes are on her face she gives me a small smile as she tells me "We're leaving now." I simply nod and let her lead me out of the cave behind Bellamy, eyes down and focused on his legs so I wouldn't be looking at his back and risk him turning around and me seeing his face...him seeing mine as my eyes still burned with tears. I would not let him see me still on the verge of crying because of him. Bellamy Blake is not worth my tears.