The Weight Of Deafness In Love And Survival

Chapter 21 - Relent

When we walk into camp nearly everyone rushes over to us, but Clarke doesn't release my hand as she continues to practically pull me behind her. The second I'd given her my hand when she told me let's head back to camp she'd refused to let go and started pulling me behind her.

We're almost to the dropship when Octavia rushes out saying "It's about time. They're gonna kill Jasper. Did you get the medicine and find Cooper?" before she takes notice of me, grins, and says a clearly breathed out "Cooper." While pulling me from Clarke into a tight but quick hug. "I was so worried about you." She tells me when she pulls away, the second my eyes are on her face again.

"Sorry." I sign to her before she then takes notice of the others behind us and goes to go to them. Clarke immediately grabs her and tries to physically take Octavia back to the dropship, probably telling her they needed to talk, but Octavia just pulls away from her, holding up a finger, and pushes past us back to where Bellamy and the others were.

I turn and watch as Bellamy tries to get her not to come closer while telling her "Octavia, just stay there. Please, stay back." But it doesn't work as she moves out of his hold and moves to the makeshift stretcher, kneels, and slowly removes the jacket covering Atom's face slowly. "Atom." She slowly says as she starts to cry.

Bellamy clearly tries to talk to her, but I didn't know what he was saying as he was now facing her. And it didn't matter as she quickly holds a hand out to him saying "Don't." She then looks down at Atom again, face clearly heartbroken, before she slowly puts the jacket back over his face. She stands and starts to storm back our way and Bellamy tries to stop her but she just pushes his arms off her telling him another "Don't."

Bellamy just watches her storm past us until Murphy walks up to him. I feel a hand take mine and gently tug, meaning it was probably Clarke trying to get me to go back to the dropship but I don't move; eyes glued to the two all while I was confused at the feeling of relief I felt in my heart when Murphy's back appeared in my sight.

Bellamy clearly takes a deep breath before asking "Lose anyone here?" as the hand tugs mine again, more insistent this time. Murphy must have said no as Bellamy's face flickers with relief before he asks "Jasper?" I'm about to turn when Murphy turns to look at the dropship and I catch some of "your psycho little sister-" as my brain real time blurs his face with my memory of Jona's and again, the merge was perfect-flawless...real, freezing me in my spot with wide eyes. It was the first time my brain did this when I was awake.

The next thing I knew Bellamy roughly shoved him causing Murphy to look back at him, removing that image from my eyes. Bellamy then grabbed him by the collar, and was right up in his face demanding "My what!? My what!?" My eyes widened more, if it was even possible, as my mind reeled with both fear and confusion while Murphy then pushed Bellamy off him. "Yeah, that's right. My little sister. Got anything else you want to say about her?" Bellamy asks then, clearly warning Murphy to say something else about Octavia, his face hard.

Murphy must have answered correctly as Bellamy turns away and motions to Atom's body clearly ordering "Get him out of here." Before turning back to Murphy just a moment shooting him a clear warning look before walking away. I watch Murphy as he looks down a moment before suddenly throwing his knife at a nearby tree; and this time it sticks.

I quickly snap my attention back to Murphy just as he starts to walk away, in the opposite direction Bellamy went. My feet start to follow him on their own, but I'm quickly pulled back and Clarke quickly moves into my line of sight, blocking my view of Murphy's retreating figure, before I could even take a full two steps. I quickly pull my hand from hers and quickly sign "I need to talk to him." While looking behind her and trying to move around her but she just grabs my arms stopping me and tries to physically take me back to the dropship, like she tried to do to Octavia.

"I need to talk to him." I quickly sign again, my eyes never leaving the quickly disappearing retreating figure of Murphy, as I keep trying to follow. I needed to know. I needed the answers. I needed to know why my mind is playing tricks on me. But Clarke's grip just tightened, refusing to let go, and he disappeared into the trees. I feel myself deflate as I finally look at Clarke and sign "Why?" desperate for an understanding of why this was happening, why she was stopping my attainment of an answer, why regret was flickering in her eyes.

"Please just wait until after Jasper is taken care of, I check out your injury, and Wells and I talk to you about whatever is going on with you. And then if you still need to talk to Murphy, we will go with you, okay?" She tells me then, her hands still gripping my arms so she couldn't sign to me. I quickly shake my head before quickly signing to her, quicker than I've ever signed to her before, "Please Clarke. My injury is fine, and I need to know now, not later. I feel like I'm going crazy." Clarke's eyes filled with conflict but slowly her hold on me loosened while she clearly sighed out an "Okay." She then motioned with her head adding "Just be careful. I'll come find you when I'm done with Jasper." Just as she fully released her hold.

Relief washes over me as I smile, nod, grateful that she was relenting, and sign "Thank you." Before I was moving in the direction he disappeared in, my heart pounding in my chest. I was going to get the answers. I was going to find out why my mind is playing tricks on me. I was going to find out who the hell Murphy was to me. Was it a bad idea to do it when he was obviously pissed off about what happened with Bellamy? Probably. Would I regret it? Maybe. Was I going to do it anyway? Yes.