The Weight Of Deafness In Love And Survival

Chapter 20 - Atom

After a few minutes of walking, Charlotte's hand never leaving mine even after my emotions were under control, we come to a stop and I look up catching part of what one of the three followers, the three I didn't know, we'd apparently met up with was saying "-cave down there." Before I glance around for the missing one, Atom.

Charlotte seemed to pick up on it, or maybe Bellamy asked about him, and squeezed my hand once. I look at her and she says "Let's go look for him." I glance at Bellamy's back a moment but quickly shove the thought that we should tell him away before I look back at her and nod. She gives me a small smile before starting to pull me with her.

It wasn't long before we found him; lying on the ground on his back, tons of red angry blisters covering his body, and clearly gasping in pain. Charlotte immediately let go of my hand and stepped back while I just stared at Atom. My brain didn't send my painful memories to me looking at him but I was still frozen.

That's when I felt a hand on my shoulder, snapping me out of it and I rush forward dropping to my knees next to the boy as I look him over all while ignoring the pain from my injury from the quick movement. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know what I could do. But the boy shouldn't slowly die alone. No one should die alone. I wasn't there for Jona and possibly Jasper but I could be there for Atom, the boy who helped me and was close to Octavia.

My face immediately contorts when my eyes land back on his face; taking in his cloudy eyes and the fact he was repeating "Kill me." I look up noticing Bellmay knelt down on the other side of Atom, his face contorted as he leaned in to try and hear what Atom was saying. I glance back at Atom before taking a deep breath, mentally telling myself I could tell Bellamy what Atom was saying so he could stop struggling to speak. I then look back at Bellamy and whisper "H-he's asking us to k-kill him."

Bellamy instantly snaps his attention to me as he slowly stands up; his face clearly showing it was something he didn't want to do. That's when Charlotte appeared next to Bellamy, took out the knife Atom gave her, put it in Bellamy's hand, and glances down at Atom saying "Don't be afraid." Bellamy glances down at Atom a second before looking behind Charlotte saying "Go back to camp." He then looks at Charlotte telling her "Charlotte you too." She glances at me so I motion with my head for her to go.

She slowly nods and turns around so Bellamy looks to me and tells me "You too Cooper." I shake my head with a frown before looking back down at Atom. "Atom." I say then and slowly his head turns to look at me instead of Bellamy as he still repeated "Kill me." "I-I know my voice is-is strange but I-I'm going to tell you my favorite story, okay? So-so just focus on it." I hesitantly tell him with a small sad smile as I scooted closer to his head and carefully reached out with one hand and start stroking his head while he slowly nods.

"It is the first day of-of November and so today, and so today, someone will die." I start reciting from memory, hoping that despite my hesitance and repetition I was doing it justice and was helping Atom, while from the corner of my eye I see Bellamy kneel back down next to Atom and slowly raise the knife with a shaky hand but stops short. He couldn't bring himself to do it.

"Even-even under the brightest s-sun, the frigid aut-autumn sea is all, is all the colors of the night; dark blue and black and brown." I continue as I slowly reach out with my other hand and slowly place it on Bellamy's before gently taking the knife from him, while keeping my eyes on Atom, who'd stopped moving his mouth in words and closed his eyes, fully focusing on the story like I'd told him. I was already plagued by ghosts. Atom could just be another one. I could do this for Atom and for Octavia. I was not taking this burden for Bellamy but for them.

"I watch the ever-changing patterns-" I start to continue as I start to slowly move my hand way from Bellamy's and the knife towards Atom's neck but my hand is stopped by another hand while I feel a quick pat on my shoulder, meaning it was either Clarke or Wells and judging by the hand it was Clarke, though it doesn't stop my reciting if anything it made me more confident "the ever-changing patterns in the sand as its pummeled by countless hooves." I look to my side as I just continue reciting "They run the horses on the beach, a pale road between the black water and the chalk cliffs."

"Give me the knife but otherwise keep doing what you're doing. It's just the four of us here." Clarke quickly signs to me so I nod, hand it over, and look back down at Atom and simply continue the story, I'd recite it until Clarke told me to stop or I was at the point in the story I didn't have memorized, though she told me no one else was here it didn't matter if anyone other than Clarke is here now too, I could do it for Atom and deal with whatever comes up because of it, "It is never safe, but it's never so dangerous as today, race day."

From the corner of my eye, I see Clarke slowly move the knife back to Atom's neck as I continue "This time of year, I live and breathe the beach." I manage not to pause or hesitate again when the knife quickly went into Atom's neck and just continue reciting "My cheeks feel raw with the wind throwing sand against them." I still don't pause or hesitate a second when it's quickly pulled out, causing blood to quickly pour out and stain the dirt, "My thighs sting from the friction of the saddle. My arms ache from holding up two thousand pounds of horse." I close my eyes but don't stop when his ragged breaths slow "I have forgotten what it is like to be warm and what a full night's sleep feels like and what my name sounds like spoken instead of shouted across yards of sand." I stop with "I am so, so alive." When I feel two quick pats on my arm.

I breathe in a deep shaky breath as I open my eyes and look back at Clarke. "You okay?" Clarke signs as her eyes scan me over then, lingering on my makeshift bandage stained with dried blood on my leg. I nod when her eyes land back on my face before dropping my head onto her shoulder as my tears start flowing freely from my eyes. She wraps her arms around me and starts to stroke the back of my head as I cried not just for what just happened but also for the memories the story brought up. Sharing that story made me remember all the times Jona had read it to me and I had read it to him...just how much I still missed him and would give anything for him to be here with me. For me to be able to run back to camp and throw myself into his arms.

After I can get my emotions are under control enough that I can whisper "I miss Jona so much Clarke." She tenses, her hand freezing mid stroke, just a moment before she resumes her gentle stroking as I can feel her talking, more than likely to Bellamy. But I wouldn't know what she was saying or who it was actually too unless I looked and that wasn't happening right now; not when tears were still free flowing from my eyes.

After a moment of just feeling her talk as she continued to comfort me, my tears slowly slowing, I feel her sigh as she stops stroking and gives my back two quick pats indicating that she wanted to talk to me now. Slowly I separate from her, wiping my dying tears from my face, and give her a questioning look. "First, why did you leave camp? You could have gotten killed too. Second, how's your injury? Bellamy said it was from the fog. Third, again, are you okay? I know that story was something special between you and Jona." She quickly signs so I quickly sign back "I'm sorry. I went to confront Murphy again but then I saw Charlotte leaving and I followed her. My injury doesn't really hurt, and it wasn't nearly as bad as what happened to Atom. And I'm fine. All this just brought up just how much I miss Jona again."

She sighs and nods before signing "I know I don't have to tell you again but I will anyway. You should stay away from Murphy and Bellamy." I release my own sigh and nod while looking down. Staying away from Bellamy wouldn't...shouldn't...be a problem. After today I really want to. But Murphy...should I take my failed attempts as a sign I should let it go? Maybe. Should I take both Clarke and Wells telling me to stay away to heart? Probably. But would I try and confront Murphy about why he was familiar to me again anyway? Yes.