Silent Screams

Poem 100

I suppose
I let it all happen too soon
You seem distant
Is it my fault?
I could have done more
Should I have done more?
I talk too much
I get and I receive
And I forget to give
I'm sorry
If I offended you.

But maybe I didn't offend you
Maybe you got what you wanted
And now
It's only a matter of time
Before you leave me
Because that's what they all do

Make promises
And say they'll stay
But they get what they want
And decide they'll leave
I know I shouldn't generalize you
But I've never been cared for like this
It's terrifying
Because I'm sure you're a good liar
I mean
Why wouldn't you be?

I am not a good liar
So when you ask if I'm okay
You'll know if you want to
You'll know if I'm lying
Not everything is about you
But this poem is

I need to know that
Even if you got what you want
Or
Since you've got closer to what you want
That you're still gonna stay
And you're still gonna
Care about me
Not just care about my body

You'll care for not just the
Physical scars
But the mental ones as well
You'll bandage them
And keep them clean
While I tend to the bruises
And the scrapes
Or even the deep cuts
On yours

I promise I'm trying
To give you what to deserve
But I'm not good enough
I'm not the right kind of girl
I can't give you everything you want
And I won't give you it all
But I promise
Mentally I will give you everything
And I will keep you in a good state
I will keep you happy
I will make you better
But I will not be able to maintain
Both of us
So if you want me to maintain myself
Then you have to let me help you too
Because I can only give you it all
If you let me
But it seems like you won't

You don't have to take care of me
You don't have to give me your coat
Or keep me warm
Or satisfy me all the time
I promise I'm alright
Even if I spent endless nights
Wondering how bad it would be
If I just left

I promise I won't leave you
At least
I promise I won't leave you only
I might leave everyone
Leave them all at once
And you'll deal with grief together
You can wear all black and weep for me
And wonder what you did wrong
But you didn't do anything wrong
It was all me

I promise if I do leave you
Leave you to grieve
Leave you to scream at the world
To cry for nights on end
Then I must not have thought
That it would hurt you too much
So please
Keep that it mind
When I hurt you
If I hurt you
When I hurt myself
That it wasn't to make you sad
But it was only to cope
And maybe I go too far
Maybe I end up in a prison
Or maybe I end up in all white
Or maybe I end up hooked
Up to machines
But I promise
None of its to hurt you

And i realize this is lots of rambling
So many words you can't
Truly comprehend
But I promise I'm not bad
I'm very good actually
But i just don't know how to cope