Is life worth living?

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The sound of hooting outside of my hut caused me to shoot my eyes open. Blue Eyes was next to me rubbing my cheek as he always did.
"Blue Eyes, what's going on?"
He shrugged.
I got up and walked out to Hudson and Koba standing in front of Luca.
"Everything okay?"
"Rylea! Have you seen ... Kenzie?!"
"No. I thought she was with you?"
"She was ... but we ... fell asleep ... and I woke up ... and she was gone"
"She usually likes taking walks so I'll look for her. Don't worry she does this a lot when she likes to gather her thoughts"
Hudson exhaled in relief as I made my way to the woods. I was walking and there were butterflies in my stomach. Which caused me to worry, usually when I get butterflies something happens. I ignored it as I looked everywhere for my sister. Did she run away because she loved an ape? Was she scared? Maybe she thought we were in to much danger?
I was casually still searching the woods and my sister was not in sight. She couldn't have gone too far.
When I was walking down a tiny slope in the woods, I tripped over something causing me to tumble down the rest of the slope. What I saw next made my heart shatter into a million people. I felt like I couldn't breathe as I saw my sister lying in a grass patch ... dead.
"No ... no, no, no! Kenzie!" I shouted as I crawled to her body trying to wake her up. Everywhere I felt for a pulse I couldn't find it, tears were falling down my face and onto hers.
"SOMEONE HELP ME! HELP ME PLEASE!" I shouted as I rocked with my sister in my arms. There was a large slash on her side, I applied pressure to the cut hoping that would bring her back.
*cries* "HELP ME! BRING HER BACK PLEASE!"
I looked down at my sister as her body felt cold, lots of apes started approaching. Caesar and Blue Eyes walked closer as I was crying with my sister in my arms. Blue Eyes walked behind me and tried to pull me away from my dead sister, but I kept resisting.
"NO! Caesar *cries* bring her back! Please! Bring her back, she can't be dead!"
Caesar helped assist Blue Eyes to pulling me away from the body and it worked, they had to hold me back from running back to her.
*cries* "Stop! Let me go! I need to bring her back!"
"Rylea ... she's gone" Blue Eyes said to me as he wrapped his arms around me.
*cries* "No, we can do something to help her!"
"Rylea! She's ... gone!"
I gazed around at all of the apes standing there seeing me grieve. Tears rolled down my face as my breathing began staggering, I fell to Blue Eyes's feet and started crying loudly. I felt his furry arm wrap around me as I was crying. Then I felt multiple arms wrapping around me, supporting me in my time of need.
"Son, take Rylea back to ... our hut" Caesar said to his eldest son.
I then got assisted upward and dragged back to the ape colony. Everytime I looked back I still saw no movement in my sister. Blue Eyes pushed my head forward so I would stop looking at my dead sibling.
We entered the ape colony and a million eyes were on me. I still cried as we started heading up to Caesar's hut. We were greeted by Cornelia as we entered the hut, Blue Eyes signed something to her causing her to hug me tightly. I noticed my sister's blankets on the floor, I walked over to them and fell down on it as I continued crying. Cornelius crawled to me and started rubbing the tears on my face. Blue Eyes pulled him away and layed his head on top of mine, rubbing my back as I continued grieving.
*sniffles* "It's my fault she's dead"
"Don't ... say that"
"I was selfish, I was focusing to much on myself. Not even focusing on protecting my own flesh and blood"
"Rylea ... this incident is not ... your fault"
*cries* "Then why do I feel guilty?"
He rubbed the back of my head and placed a blanket on top of us. I curled up to his chest as tears continued falling down my cheeks. Then in an instant second, I fell into a deep slumber.
Is my sister dead because of me? ...

...

I woke up and it seemed pretty light outside. Sadness still filled my body, I noticed that Blue Eyes and his family were still sleeping. Blue Eyes didn't have an arm around me so it gave me a good chance to creep away. I made my way out of the hut without bothering anyone.
Some apes were awake and as I passed by them on my way to the lake, they would stare at me. I knew they heard about my sister's death because they looked at me in sadness.
When I made my way to the lake I noticed a cross made of sticks right by the shore. I brushed my hand against my sister's grave and sat down next to it as I gazed into the running lake. At my feet were rocks, I felt my way around the rocks until I found a sharp one. I pulled up my sleeve and started cutting my forearm. Blood was dripping onto the gravel, all I was thinking was my sister is dead because of me. I couldn't feel anymore pain as I kept harming myself, I started daydreaming about all of the good memories I had with my sister. My harmful deed came to an end as I heard footsteps behind me. When I turned around it was Blue Eyes so I tossed the rock out of my hand and placed it over my cuts so he wouldn't notice. He sat next to me with a confused look on his face ...
"What ... were you doing?"
"Nothing, just gathering my thoughts"
"Why is ... your hand ..."
Before he could finish asking that question I wrapped both of my arms around his neck and started kissing him. It seemed to be working because he started wrapping his hands around my waist. Instantly he layed my down on the rocks we were sitting on. I wasn't paying attention to the fact he was putting my arms up on each side of my head.
"Ow!" I shouted as he grabbed a hold of my injured forearm. He yanked me so I would be sitting upward.
"What ... did you ... do?!"
"What do you mean?"
"Why ... are there ... cuts on ... your arm?!"
"I don't know Blue Eyes!"
"Don't lie!"
*sobs* "I don't belong here!"
"The apes ... all think of ... you as family"
*cries* "No! I mean I don't deserve to live!"
"Don't ... say that!"
He gave me a tight hug as I sobbed, he tore a piece of my shirt off and tied it around my cuts. I looked over to my sister's grave and started crying ...
*cries* "I want her back Blue!"
"I know"
He kissed my forehead and started rocking me in his arms.
At this point, I knew my life was the worst ...

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