Four Broken Pieces ✓

Forty Two

This chapter is split into two parts considering its very long so don't be surprised at the slightly abrupt ending. _______________________________________________________________________________

My grandfather and I sat next to each other in silence until the fire started to dim slightly. My eyes drooped and I resisted the urge to fall asleep on his shoulder. Hadn't I come down here to ask him something?

"Roe if you're tired you should sleep upstairs," Nonno suggested as he moved slightly to help me up. I caught his arm and jerked him back down next to me. He was puzzled but sat down anyways. I rubbed at my tired eyes as I leaned back on the head of the sofa and faced the ceiling. I couldn't look at him when I said these words.

"I think I made a mistake." Nonno was silent, waiting for me to carry on. These words were so much heavier on my chest than I'd anticipated. It hurt my boys, it hurt my mom and it hurt me all at once.

"I think I used them Nonno. I think I used their love to repair my broken heart when Mom left. Mom thought I replaced her with them and I think I did." My voice cracked halfway. I prayed for my eyes to remain dry as I stared up at the ceiling. But a few treacherous tears escaped anyway. How could they not when the guilt was like a noose around my throat? When I'd used the people I loved to heal myself? I'd given them her house, her room and a place in my heart almost equal to the place she held. I'd found happiness in them when I should have been grieving over the woman that had walked out my door. I'd replaced her and used them to mend the pieces she left my heart in. There was no forgiveness for that.

The word selfish thrummed through my veins and I felt its burn like it was branded on my skin.

"Love mends broken hearts. It's how your mother healed her heart and how you healed yours. Love heals sweetpea." My head snapped to his now. How did he sound so calm and serious? How was there no accusation in that voice?

"Yes but you shouldn't fall in love with a person just to heal yourself should you?" Nonno looked at me like I was speaking in a completely different language. He made an exasperated sound as I failed to take the point he'd made. Selfish, selfish selfish, it was all I could here. How did he not hear it too?

"Roe you were in a bad place. Your heart was broken. You fell in love with those three boys not because you wanted to heal but because you simply loved them. Maybe you played with the idea of being in love with them because you wanted to mend your heart but you wouldn't still be with them if that were the only reason." My Nonno inched closer and took my shaking hands in his. I willed my hands to go still and to open my heart to what he was saying. He'd never been wrong about this kind of thing before. It was why I'd come to him in the first place.

"You have your mother back. You're in a much better place. Would you leave them now?" The answer was no, not in a million years. I loved them with everything I had. Oh god I was such a fool.

"I didn't use them," I muttered. The weight on my chest lifted. Nonno's lips turned up in a smile.

"You love them just like you love your mother. That doesn't mean you replaced her with them. You just love them both and through fate, both loves came to you one after another and one of them broke you while the other one healed you." I was the luckiest person in the world for that. They'd come along just when I'd needed them.

"I'm such a fool. Thank you. Thank you." I leaned forward to place a kiss on Nonno's forehead before racing up the stairs taking it two at a time. I hoped Nonno got some sleep after this. As I neared the door to the bedroom, I heard utter silence inside. My heart pounded as I opened the door. Had they left through the window or something? Somehow, I didn't think they would be asleep.