Four Broken Pieces ✓

Forty Six

There were a thousand ways in which my plan could go wrong. I could have gotten the layout of their house wrong since I had formulated it in my head through memory alone. There was the fact that my whole plan depended on the fact that a secret entrance to their house still existed from back when an old friend named Tom had lived in the house. It also depended on the hope that Ivan's mother was trapped within the house and I could find her before it was too late.

There was also my own emotional instability. I didn't think I had the strength to pull this off. Could I really do the deed? Did I have the willpower to stomach the deaths of numerous people if something went drastically wrong? And even if no one died, could I still be a part of the society around me after doing something illegal? If someone found out, I'd be in jail in seconds. I was jeopardizing my whole future for this.

I only intended for it to be a distraction and as revenge for the event that took place all those years ago. Some part of my decision had been emotional. I'd chosen my distraction carefully. Ivan's father and the rest of his gang would think twice before they came after us again. They would think twice before they went after anyone.

I'd burn his house to the ground. It would burn and Ivan's father would remember that terrible deed he'd done all those years ago. He'd regret every laying a hand on an innocent boy. He'd remember and he'd realize that karma had come for him just as it came for everyone. Perhaps then he would regret everything he'd done that had ruined lives around him. Perhaps he'd feel guilt and Alexei's family would finally be at rest wherever they were.

Ivan's father deserved this and all the men beside him who'd supported him when he'd burned an entire family to the ground deserved this as well. They were dreadful people but did that give me the right to threaten their lives? Did this make me any better? I could picture Alexei beside me then. He'd tell me to forgive and to forget. Alexei. He'd taken him away from me and he'd pay. He'd taken that beautiful, amazing boy away from me. 

What Ivan's father had done was unforgivable and it was only right that he would pay. Even so, my hands still shook as I took out the lighter from my pocket and lugged a container of fuel down the stairs. The boys had stashed away numerous things in the room I'd given them. It took everything in me to hold their tools in my hand without chucking them away. I wasn't a criminal. I wasn't made for this. But desperation called for me to rise to the occasion and the anger I kept locked away for Ivan's father wrapped around my body and steadied my hands and heart. I had to do this. I carefully crept out of my own house through the back door with a hood over my head. Ivan had driven off in my car and so to anyone that was watching the house, he'd made it seem like I'd left with him. Even so, I quickly took the shortest route to the back gate of their house and scanned the area in front of me. This felt too surreal, like I was in a movie of sorts. It wasn't a good feeling.

Where was it? Where was the hole I used to crawl through to play on his trampoline when we were six year olds? I desperately scanned the entire area before my eyes fell on the secret entrance. It was a patch of the brick wall that was built with slightly different colored bricks. I pushed it through and stepped through the hole, praying no one had heard or seen the falling bricks. A foolish hope but then again this whole plan had been a fool's plan to begin with.

Just like that, I was in their house's backyard. From the outside the house looked completely normal. After all this was still a community with houses next door to it. Ivan's father would have to keep up appearances if he wanted to avoid the police. This was the terrible explanation and hope I clung to as I approached the lowest window of the house. Surprisingly, it was unlocked. I didn't let myself dwell on it too much. Another mistake.