Going Nowhere Fast

13. Look At Me Now

I didn't know where I was running to. I just had to get away. I found a tree that looked easy to climb so I started heading up. I was sure I wouldn't run into anyone if I were in a tree. It's not like I didn't want to lose Scarlet, I just didn't want her to see me so weak. She's been nothing but nice to me and now I've abandoned her. I just needed to be alone. I yearned to be alone. Except this time, my aloneness meant she was alone too and I don't think she wanted to be alone. I was being selfish.

"Billie! Please come down."

I looked down at Scarlet. I guess I wasn't as good as she was at hiding in trees. I couldn't get my body to move so I just stared down at her.

"Fine if you won't come down, then I'm coming up." She climbed up seemingly effortless and sat down on the branch beside me.

"Listen, I'm not going to do to you whatever Brian did, I know it's hard to trust people after being so emotionally used but I have no intentions to hurt you in any kind of way." Scarlet peered into my swollen eyes with her strikingly blue ones.

"You just have to tell me what happened so I can understand better, okay? I won't even touch you," she said scooting herself away from me on the branch.

I nodded my head. I wanted her to understand me but I also felt like I was going to throw up.

"Brian," I started with a choke in my voice. I couldn't believe I was finally telling someone, and Scarlet Grant of all people, "Invited me to a party one night. It was his choir group and a bunch of other people so I wouldn't seem as out of place." I hesitated as some more tears fell from my eyes. "Brian was really drunk when I got there. His friend, Lester handed me a drink when I got there. He told me Brian told him to give it to me."

This was getting much harder. I took a few deep breaths and continued, "I trusted Brian, so I didn't think he was going to do anything bad to me, but," I paused and looked over at Scarlet. Her face seemed so concerned and her eyes were glossed with tears. "He roofied the drink. The whole choir group was drawing dicks on my face and posing my unconscious body for really, really bad pictures. They even wrote the words 'emo freak' all over my scars." I had to pause again for some more deep breathing. The salty tears became a river flowing down my face. "When I woke up, I was lying naked in bed next to Brian. There was a used condom in the bed as well and I didn't realize what had happened until I got up to find my clothes. That's when I noticed the pain from the," I couldn't even finish my sentence because I was crying too hard.

--

"Brian needs to die." Was all Scarlet said. She was turning red with anger but still had tears in her eyes from what I had just told her.

"Thanks," was all I could manage to say.

"I don't get why he came after you with the whole Trish thing though. Didn't you go through enough?"

I looked at her with tears still streaming down my face, "No," I said, "My mom saw me when I got home. I just told her that I had been drinking at a party and that I couldn't drive home. She called the pastor and told him that there had been drinking at the party. They all got in trouble."

"How did things end with Brian?"

"He tried to say he was sorry but I told him to 'get bent,' and then I told his dad he was gay, which was really, really terrible of me."

Scarlet's face showed a large variety of negative emotions, so I continued, "I think Lester may know his secret, but no one else does. All everyone knows is that I'm the enemy. I'm the reason they got in trouble, and I was the reason Brian showed up to choir practice with bruises."

"Lot worse things would've happened if you told them everything. That little prick should be happy you didn't send his ass to juvey. Wow, and to come at you with rape accusations, when I get my hands on that shit I swear I'll wring his neck," Scarlet said with her face turning as red as her name.

I responded by resting my head on her shoulder, and she started to cry a little bit.

"Why are you crying?" I asked quietly.

"Because they hurt you," was all she said.

We sat in the tree in silence and looked out at the forest. You could see the ocean through the trees. It was an interesting view of the forest and it felt very healing to be up there.

"Hey!" a voice called out. "You guys can't be up in that tree. You're going to need to come down," the now obvious park ranger called out to us.

"Sorry!" I shouted as Scarlet and I descended from the big pine tree.

--

The rest of the day felt lighter in comparison. We had walked back to our hotel and I decided to take a shower. My fresh cut stung in the water. I was dreading the day Scarlet had to see the rest of them, on my stomach and down my legs.

Scarlet was waiting for me when I got out. She had three DVDs sitting in front of her on the bed.

"What are these for?"

"They're my favorite movies. I like to watch them when I'm feeling down." Her response sounded sweet but I cringed at the words 'feeling down.' My mind took me back to all the times my aunt Carol told me that my depression was just me 'feeling down.'

"Which one do you want to watch?"

I looked down at the movie titles sitting on the hotel comforter. I chose the one that didn't have all the words written in pink letters.

"Detroit Rock City, nice."

We watched the movie in bed. Both of us maintaining a steady distance in between. The movie was actually kind of funny. Scarlet definitely had a random taste in movies but it's alright because I probably would've never watched that on my own. It did manage to help me take my mind off of everything as well. When the movie was finally over Scarlet got up to brush her teeth and I followed suit.

"Hey Billie."

"Yeah"

"Watch this," Scarlet said taking a swig of her mouth wash.

"What're you," she then started singing the alphabet song almost perfectly while gurgling the mouth wash. It was pretty impressive, honestly. I let out a loud laugh and said, "Sick."

"Tomorrow I'll sing Gimme Shelter by the Rolling Stones."

"I'll mark it on my calendar," I said crawling into bed.

"Goodnight Bill," she said, turning off the light.

"Goodnight Bill," I replied.