Going Nowhere Fast

27. Hell

My Saturday went by without any major events. Well, sort of.

I had woken up in my mom's bed. She had already gotten up and started on house chores.

I got up and helped her finish some chores like vacuuming and dusting. She had left for the grocery store so I smoked a lot while she was gone and decided I was going to work on a painting. I wasn't allowed to read or watch TV or any of the normal things I did.

I did like to paint though. It was something that I did for my whole life. I always knew that I wasn't that amazing so I kept it as just strict hobby.

It was more fun to paint when I was high. Time would freeze and I would just get so lost in my creations. I realized that by the time I was done, it was almost dinner time. My mom had cooked my favorite dinner and then gave me my phone back. I immediately messaged Scarlet. She told me I couldn't stay on it too long due to my concussion. I took some pain medication and went to lay down after cleaning up dinner. My mom was out walking Karen.

I walked into my bathroom. I didn't know why I felt the need to do that. I thought I was happy. I went into my bathroom and pulled out a package of razor blades. I broke one off so that it was a single blade. I felt numb to my own actions. There was a steady stream of images going through my mind. Everything that had happened just came flowing back into my mind. Blood poured from my arm. I looked down at it. There was blood, but it was like I barely noticed it had happened. I couldn't even feel my own pain.

I heard the front door open followed with the pattering of Karen's paws on the tile floors in the front entrance. I quickly wrapped toilet paper around cut. I could feel the would start to sting as it came in contact with the toilet paper.

I realized that I had cut a little too deep again. I quickly looked and found the band-aids. It didn't seem as bad as the time in the hotel. It didn't take me too long to pass out from blood loss then. I put anti-bacterial gel on some cotton balls and wrapped it tightly with a bandage.

I walked out of the bathroom where I met my mom staring me down outside the door. She had caught me self-harming before and didn't trust in the bathroom by myself for an extended period of time.

"Let me see your arms," she said in a stern voice.

"Mom, I'm fine," I said, defiantly.

"Will, please!" She had a worried look in her eyes.

I reluctantly held out my arm, rolling my eyes.

"I'm going to move your therapy up to this week. I think you should really be on medication, sweetie," she said with a sad smile on her face.

I couldn't believe how nice she was being. It felt like she was really changing. Last time she caught me, she just grounded me.

"Okay," I sighed. "Can I go to bed now?"

"Sure thing. Brush your teeth first."

"Gotcha I said walking back into the bathroom, leaving the door open, and picking up my toothbrush.

She walked back into the kitchen where she finished cleaning up dinner. I finished brushing my teeth and went back into my room where I collapsed on the bed.

I starred up at those glow-in-the-dark stickers on my ceiling. I had tried so hard as a kid to make it as similar to the actual sky as possible. I made all of my favorite constellations. It was always a calming sight to see. There was still no pain in my arm, but I was on pretty strong pain meds.