The Villainess Will Not Bring Dishonor To Her Family

79 - Love In The Present

Our clan always believe in the honor and glory of the battlefield. It was a neigh sacred place for our clan, and the only right place to die for most of us.

Surrender and flight is not an option. Tactical retreat was. Throwing away lives meaninglessly is dishonorable as well after all.

There is only a single exception to this.

Magicians were not as common in my former life. They were incredibly rare and valuable, and were usually kept on the back line. They usually didn't get military ranks, but served as advisors instead.

The ones who moved to the front and took control of a unit were rare. Even rarer was it that we actually rise in the ranks. I took a lot of lessons in the art of the sword to be eligible for this... as you can imagine, I was a very valuable resource... and because of that I was expected to surrender if I neared death, and the enemies were expected to accept. The value outweighed the shame for surrendering... of course I always refuse to surrender, but it is important to understand to explain the circumstances of that battle... of that defeat.

I was refused death. More specifically, I was refused an honorable death... not once, but twice... for my lord refused my petition for seppuku as well. I could not live with the shame... but I was not permitted to die...

I had a hundred brave men and women under my command. All of them proud and beautiful and waiting for my word... all of them trusting me with their lives...

I knew every name... I knew every family... I knew who each of them were engaged to, and the ranks of their families. With some of them I even knew the achievements of their parents...

And I needed to give each of their families the news of their death. Some families had even lost every adult member that wasn't retired... many bloodlines died that day...

Neigh a hundred time I was asked the same question:

"Did they die honorably?"

Every time I answered yes.

We failed in our mission, and we lost our daimyo... but we fought with fingers and claws to get him back... their lives were not lost for nothing.......... their lives........ were not lost for nothing....

But I miss them.

"Lily."

Eric's voice pulls me from the darkness of my mind and the memories that linger with them.

Peering around me, Lumere has made a little shimmering bubble of ice around me. It's gently covered by that peppermint lathered blanket Magdalin gave me, and forms a dark little space around me.

Lumere usually just watches, but as usual he senses when something is wrong. Apparently he restricts himself to more or less the same rules as the faeries, but even this little gesture is more than I expect.

I slowly crawl out, but Lumere doesn't move yet. From the pale light in the room I can tell it's morning... last I looked up it was sunset... Did I skip sleep? I'll... ignore that thought for now...

I move to the door, but don't open it.

"...how did you sneak into the girls' dorm, Eric?" I reply cheekily... probably disguising my wrecked state.

I gently lean my back against the door and prepare to face him properly... but my self confident mask just doesn't seem to form.

"Magdalin Ruche started panicking since she hasn't been able to get a hold of you since yesterday. She convinced the dorm manager to let me in since I had a letter for you."

Magdalin panicked? Then she probably went to Lionel for an explanation... wait... a letter?

"From who?" I ended up asking cautiously.

"Iris." Our little sister.

...

The letter slides under the door.

...

...........

"I'm not reading it. I've disowned her."

I hear a sigh from the other side of the door.

"Lily... they were kissing in the hallway..."

I press my lips together.

"Exactly! They were kissing! And in the hallway! She's seven! And they're not engaged!"

I puff up a bit as I recall the situation that happened a few months before I had to leave for the academy. Iris has been holding a boy's hand and leaned up for a little kiss since he was taller than her...

"She is seven! There is no harm!" Eric argues back at me.

"Furthermore it's Curtis, you know? You used to be quite fond of that kid. Is it because he is Lionel's brother?"

I cross my arms and stare irritatedly at the door.

"This is this and that is that. She should not be kissing boys at her age, even if it is Curtis! This is you and Father's fault for spoiling her to such an extent," I growl back.

Eric sighs heavily.

"Weren't you the one who started teaching her hand to hand combat? Besides, look at how you turned out. Father probably hopes that by spoiling Iris she actually stays cute."

I can hear a bit of amusement in his voice though he pretends to be tough. It's a truly stupid conversation...

"She needs to be able to defend herself," I argue back a bit softer.

"You're always so awkward with love. I feel sorry for Curtis. Not only does he need to beg father for Iris' hand in the future, but he also has to deal with two doting older brothers."

His voice gets a bit more cheerful at those words... but I see what he did there.

I consider my retort when another question begins to press at the back of my mind.

"Eric... do I keep people at a distance?"

I already know the answer... but I want to hear it from him. He's been near me since childhood.

".........you do. Even Iris... or at least you try. Iris usually forces her way to you though. It's adorable to watch her try to be like her 'cool' older sister." A hint of amusement lingers in his voice at those words... and with it I pick up Iris' letter.

"...you're quite the brat to be amused with such things," I half grumble back at him. I'm not actually angry, but I don't intend on taking it laying down either.

"Stuff like that usually gets some life in you," he responds back calmly an honestly.

Taunting me to get my mind in another direction? Somehow I don't mind.

"If you're done then leave. I have a letter to respond to."

I chase him off while feeling a bit lighter at heart than before. Even if I haven't appreciated it, there are people that know me and care for me.

Eric gives a couple of pats at the door and leaves.

—-*—-

'Dear Sister,

I like Curtis. He is sweet and caring, and I will marry him. You and Lionel-sama better have made up before our wedding.

With love from Iris.'

...

.......