Love Lie ( COMPLETED)

10.Mom

      The next few weeks seem like they were a blur of school, work and spending any extra time with Landon. We have become very close recently, but I still fight the voice in my head telling me that I can't put myself in a place to get hurt again. School has been going pretty good lately. I have only had a few more run ins with Brooklyn but for the most part I have managed to regain my comfortable position in the background. 

     Landon and I have had to move our lunch meetings into the library since it's starting to get a little cooler outside. Just as we were walking to the library we noticed Brooklyn hanging a Homecoming banner. 3 weeks left until Homecoming! It's funny that I hadn't even realized it was so soon. Ethan and I went to all the homecoming dances at Summit. 

     They were always big, over-the-top excuses for the school to spend boatloads of money and then an excuse for the students to throw extravagant after-parties. I think back to last years homecoming, posing for pictures with Ethan and Jen in front of my parent's house. I was in a ridiculous pink poufy dress and Jen was wearing some slinky yellow dress with some kind of cut-outs on the side. This was back when Ethan and I were still happy. The thought of being so happy with him just a year ago makes me sick to my stomach. 

"Earth to Sadie!" Crap- I didn't even realize but I must have zoned out. "Sorry Landon, I was just thinking about homecoming last year."  "Oh, that bad huh? You looked like you were going to be sick." I think about answering him, but I really don't want to spend any more time thinking about Ethan right now. I try to make a quick subject change, "Have you had a chance to listen to that new playlist?" He looks at me a little strange but seems to pick up on me not wanting to talk about it right now. We spend the rest of the lunch talking about the playlist that I made.

     I make it through the rest of the day trying to avoid drifting back into thought about homecoming. No matter how hard I try to avoid thinking about it, I can't help but wonder if I will end up going and hoping that it turns out better than the last one. I get home and mom is standing in the kitchen when I walk in. I had been doing pretty good lately at avoiding her. 

     Between school and work, it has been pretty easy to make sure our interactions were limited. "Sadie, if you have a second, I wanted to talk to you about something." I just had to let myself think about how good we have been doing lately didn't I? I don't know what she could possibly want to talk about, but this couldn't possibly end well. "Sure mom." I am trying to mentally prepare myself, but I really have no clue where this is going. 

     "I just wanted to talk to you about this boy that you have been hanging around with, Landon." I have to resist the urge to get up and walk away right then and there. "I have just noticed that lately you are spending an awful lot of time with him and I don't know, I just wonder if that is the best idea after everything that happened a few months ago?" You have got to be kidding me. I jump up before she can continue any further. 

     "Do you even care that what happened with Ethan was not my fault? Or are you just never going to believe your DAUGHTER about what actually happened?" My mother's jaw drops, and she looks like she can't believe what I just said. Before she starts talking again, "Ethan lied mom, I don't know how many times I need to tell you this. He lied because his stupid ego got bruised when I told him I wasn't going to sleep with him. How long are you going to punish me for that?"

     "I'm sorry for what happened after, I truly am sorry that his stupid lie caused us to have to move and for you and Dad to have to leave your jobs, but I didn't cause any of this. Maybe instead of you being so mad at me for messing up your perfect image you could try being proud of me for not letting some guy push me into something I wasn't ready for. Maybe you could try to be a little more concerned with what this did to me and my reputation." This is the first time that I have let myself say all of these things to my mom. 

     While part of me is angry that it took us this long to finally have this conversation another part of me feels relieved to finally let out the frustration with my mom that I have had bottled up. I look over at my mom and I can see her perfect makeup being ruined by the tears running down her face. 

     "Sadie, I'm-I'm so sorry. You are right. Through all of this I never bothered to actually hear you out and listen to your side of what happened. You are my daughter and I should have known better than to believe everything that people were saying about you. How have I been so blind? You act so strong all the time like none of this has bothered you, we thought that everything was fine, but I should have seen how much this was hurting you." 

     "You didn't want to see it Mom, you were more worried about how much it hurt you to have to move. That's all you were worried about was what the whole situation did to you." I see her flinch at my words as if I had just struck her. She visibly shrinks and suddenly looks about 2 feet tall. I realize I may have taken this too far. She does seem like she has finally come to the realization that she was wrong. Maybe I should cut her a little bit of slack. 

     "You are right though Sadie. I am so sorry that you think I didn't believe you and I should have told you that I am proud of you for not letting Ethan pressure you into something that you were not ready for. I should have never doubted you. I know you may not believe me right now, but I am going to do whatever it takes to make this up to you. I am going to be the mom I should have been for you back when this started." 

     Something about the sincerity in her voice starts to crack the wall I had built up with her over the past few months. I have never seen my mother look so broken and I realize that she truly did not understand the level of damage she had done to our relationship. It feels like such a relief to get to this place with her. We are both at ground zero and now that we have finally said what needed to be said I believe we have a shot at rebuilding and maybe even coming back stronger than before.

     "Mom, one more thing. Please don't worry about Landon. I'm not sure where we are headed but I am excited to find out. He is a good guy mom! He is kind and honest and he calls me out on things and challenges me. This is so much different than with Ethan, he respects me." She looks at me with a look that tells me she is happy for me but concerned. "I just worry about you. I don't ever want you to go through that again. Please just promise me that you will be careful. And Sadie, talk to me this time. If we are going to make our relationship better we need to be able to communicate about the good, bad and ugly. I am here this time, just like I should have been from the beginning."

      A warm smile draws across my face. This is what I have wanted for the longest time. I have wanted her to acknowledge her mistakes and for us to try to get past them. I feel like for once we are in a good place and I am excited to see where we take this new relationship. " Okay Mom, I promise!"