Love Lie ( COMPLETED)

25. Courage

     With every ring I get more and more anxious that he's not going to pick up. I start to feel a little defeated when I finally hear a click and movement in the background before I hear his groggy voice. "I said I needed some time to think Sadie... I don't think I'm ready to talk yet." I completely understand, and I know that what I am expecting is a little selfish, but I will never forgive myself if I walk away right now without at least trying.

     I try to sound as understanding as possible, "Please, all I am asking for is 5 minutes. Just come down and talk to me and then if you don't like what I have to say then I promise I will leave you alone." He is silent for a minute and then I see the blinds moving in his room, I guess I should have mentioned to him that I was in front of his house.

     "You know it really isn't fair of you to just show up here like this. But I guess since you drove all the way here I can at least hear you out. Give me a few minutes and I'll be down." He groans and then the line goes dead. Well at least I got him to agree to talk to me. I was sure that he was going to put up more of a fight than that. I sit in the car nervously waiting for him to step outside. As I sit there I rehearse in my head exactly what I plan to say to him. I must have gone over this a thousand times during the drive here.

     I see the door open and Landon steps out, pulling the door shut behind him. He walks towards my car and the closer I get I can see the familiar bloodshot, sunken appearance of his eyes. Clearly, he is taking this just as hard as I had. I hate seeing him like this, I want to reach out and wrap my arms around him, but I refrain myself. I need to get this out and I know that I don't want to push my luck here. He slides into the passenger seat of my car and I grasp for every ounce of courage I can find to start talking.

     This is possibly the most vulnerable I have ever felt with him, but I know I owe it to him to finally be honest about how I feel. I hate that I have to admit this because I'm afraid that it could make me look weak and I'm even more terrified to know what his reaction will be, "I'm scared alright."

     He looks confused, "I realized something when I was talking to my mom about everything that happened tonight. Something that I probably should have realized much sooner. Earlier at the dance, the way I reacted to Ethan gave you the impression that I may still have feelings for him. I really thought hard about this, not because I thought but more so because I don't think I ever gave myself the chance to sort out how I really felt about what happened between me and him. "I pause for a second trying to find the best way to explain this to him.

     "Trying to sort out those feelings made me realize that what Ethan and I had was all built on a bunch of lies. He filled my head with a bunch of things with one intention in mind. The whole time we were together he was selling me on this idea that we had a great relationship and part of me always knew that something was not quite right. That night at that party, when he didn't get what he wanted, he felt rejected and decided to try to hurt me in the biggest way he could. But I realize now that none of it was real."

     He sits in silence and I know that I have his full attention regardless of how hard it probably is for him to listen to all of this. I know that if I want to have even a shot at winning him back I have to just take the leap and tell him, lay all the cards on the table at least then he will know how I feel, and we can go from there.

     I gather as much courage I can, "I'm scared because I am in love with you Landon. I didn't believe in love remember, everything I thought I knew about it was a lie. But you have changed all of that, you've shown me in so many ways what it feels like to really be in love with someone. You have given me a love that consumes me and the thought of giving someone else that kind of power over me is terrifying even though I know without a doubt that you would never hurt me. I'm broken and complicated and I am sorry for that, sorrier than you will ever know. And I know that I should have said all of this before I let you walk away from me, but I owe it to you to tell you how I feel and even if you don't feel the same way, to thank you for showing me real love, not the lie. "

      He continues staring at me and I am starting to get nervous and a little worried since he isn't saying anything back. I try to convince myself that he is just trying to absorb everything I just said. He finally responds, "You really can't see it, can you? Sadie, I have been in love with you since back when we ate lunch together that first day. I have spent all of these months trying to show you how much I love you so maybe, just maybe I could make you believe in love again instead of all the lies that had filled your head."

     I think back over the time Landon and I have been together, and he is completely right. He has shown me in ways I didn't even recognize that he loves me. In that moment there is no doubt in my mind that if he can forgive me, I can finally heal from the past and move on to a future with him that I know can be something truly special.

     Our eyes are locked, and I have to know if he can forgive me for taking so long to realize what he has apparently known all along. I force myself to ask him even though this question gives him all the power, "Do you think you can forgive?" He looks at me for a moment longer and I see all the visions of our future reflected back at me. "Yes," he says, and he bends down and deeply and passionately kisses me, wiping away everything that had happened and leading way to our future together.