Love Lie ( COMPLETED)

22. It All Falls Apart

     I watch as he walks away from me and heads towards the doors. My heart sinks as I realize how much I just screwed up. I was supposed to be making sure everything went perfectly tonight and somehow things took an instant nosedive. I have to figure out how to salvage this before it is too late.

     As quickly as I can I run after him and catch up with him just as he is making it to the parking lot. Once I reach him he is so angry that he is actually shaking. I have never seen him like this. I can't blame him for his reaction, but I am desperate to fix this.

     He looks at me and the pain that I can see behind his eyes rips right through me. "What the hell was that Sadie? You promised me no more drama and then you can't take your eyes off of him." I shrink back disgusted with myself for making him feel this way. "Do you know how exhausting this is getting to keep trying to break down your walls? Every time I think I'm making progress another thing just comes up and sets us back again. I don't know how much longer I can keep doing this."

     I have to stop this before it keeps heading in the direction I'm afraid its going. I am not liking the way that this is sounding though. I try to steady myself before I respond, "I promise you Landon, it was not what you think. I know I told you no more drama, I just don't know how to be in the same place as him and not let it affect me. How do I stop the feeling like I need to throw up every time I see him because if you can help me, please? I am begging you but please don't give up on me." Tears are threatening to pill from my eyes any second now.

     I can tell that he is struggling in his head with what I am saying to him. I can only hope that he is going to believe me that there is no reason for him to be worried about this thing with Ethan and that I will be able to move past it with just a little more time. His expression turns from sad and confused to cold and flat and my blood runs cold. I can tell without a doubt that something bad is coming.

     He opens his mouth to speak and I am frozen in place, terrified by what I think is coming. "You know how I feel about you but until you figure out whether you still have feelings for Ethan or if you are just still hurting over what happened," he looks like what he is saying is physically paining him. He takes a deep breath and continues on "I don't think we should be together."

     With those words, I completely fall apart. Tears are now streaming down my face and I feel like I can barely catch my breath. I have to gather all of the strength in me to say something, anything to try to change his mind. "Please...don't...do...this..." is all I am able to get out between sobs. He looks like it is taking everything in him to not pull me into his arms and wipe away my tears, but he doesn't.

     He turns away for a second and when he turns back around I can see where a tear had escaped his eye leaving a glistening trail down his cheek. "I really am sorry that this is how it's ending. I kept telling myself that if I tried hard enough eventually you would start to see yourself as more than what happened to you, but this constant backslide is just too painful."

     We both stand staring at each other for what I'm sure must be an hour. It feels like time as standing still and I'm actually okay with that for the moment. The uncertainty of what will happen after we walk away is almost unbearable to even think about. I finally decide I have to know the answer to the question bouncing around my head, "Where do we go from here? Can we still talk and be friends at least or am I just losing you completely?"

     I am scared to death to hear his answer. He takes a few seconds to think over my question, he sighs and runs his hand through his hair. "I don't know Sadie, I really just need some time to think... I just don't know how to keep being there for you when it's hurting me so bad. I think I just need a little space, so maybe being friends isn't the best idea for the moment." There is no holding back the tears streaming down his face now. "I'm sorry. I really need to get out of here. Let me at least take you home" he says.

    As much as I want to steal any extra time with him that he allows I know that him driving me home would only make this harder. I shake my head no, "It's okay. I don't want to make this any worse than it already is. I'm sure I can find a way home." He looks at me one last time and for a second, I think he is going to change his mind and that everything that's happened in the past few minutes is going to have just been a sick joke but instead he turns and walks away.

     I stare at his back as he walks away and can't seem to take my eyes off of him until he is pulling out of the parking lot and out of my view. When I can no longer see him I fully let the emotions I have been feeling since he ended it take over. I sink down to the curb and sit there hugging my knees to my chest as I replay every word that he just said to me.

     I'm not sure how long I had been sitting there but I know that it has been awhile because my back is starting to ache, and my legs are asleep, leaving me with a tingling sensation as I try to stand up. I know that the dance has to be getting pretty close to ending and I don't want anyone to wander out and find me like this. 

     I reach into my purse and pull out my phone. I stare at it for a second trying to decide who I should call and partly wishing I would have just taken him up on his offer for a ride. After a few moments of debating, I dial the number and wait for her to pick up. "Mom---" my voice breaks as the tears return, "Can you come get me from the dance?"