Like He Never Left

chapter 14

Hours dragged on to days, days to weeks, and weeks to a whole month-and-a-half without a single word from Brooke. I threw myself into work to make the time go by faster and to distract me from what I could potentially be losing, but all it did was remind me of how much I fucked up and how much I'm truly paying the price for it. And every single day, I can't help but wonder if this is what Josie went through when I left because this is fucking torture, not knowing when your loved one is ever going to speak to you again or if you'll ever even see them again.

I came upon a greater appreciation and respect for the woman when I realized how truly gracefully she handled my coming back and shoving divorce papers in her face all those weeks ago. I never would have been able to put on a brave face as she did. I'm too weak.

I had talked to Tommy and my father two or three times since our goodbyes. Everyone's doing just fine without me, just like I knew they would. It almost hurts that everyone moved on so quickly, but I don't get to feel bad about it. That's how life works. And somehow, Brooke and Josie never managed to come into the conversation. Tommy skirted around the subject of Josie, and it's not my business to ask. 

Little Josie's case came to a quick close about two weeks ago. She did exactly what I asked of her a few days after our conversation, and her step-father is now in jail for three years and is paying a $1,500 fine with a protection order for both Josie and her mother, Lara. Amanda is currently working on their divorce statement. 

Amanda gave me meaningful stares and obvious glances as we worked together, and it only made my head spin even more but I realized she was right about most of what she had said. I know I'm not over Josie completely, especially after learning that she wasn't completely over me when I saw her with Carrie Ann's brother, but I also know that I need to get over the what-if's of what could have been, for that to happen. As my first love and best friend for the better part of my life, she is always going to hold a special place in my heart no matter what I do or try to force myself to feel. That's never going to change. 

I've been at the office today for 10 hours working on another domestic violence case on top of a murder, and my head is going to explode if I don't take a breather from it. I get up and trudge to the lounge to make myself some coffee. 

"I swear to god, this man is going to be the death of me," Nick, another lawyer a couple of years older than me, grumbles, leaning against the counter in the lounge. He was born and raised in Boston, and boy is his accent thick. He's been working on a domestic dispute case and the father just won't back down on the custody issue with his husband. Due to confidentiality laws and rights, I'm not allowed to or supposed to know much, but I know that this guy is giving Nick a run for his money. 

"You always see to get the feisty ones huh," I joke, pouring him some coffee before putting the pot back. 

"Thanks pal," he mutters, "You're telling me."

I take a sip and pat him on the back. 

"You'll figure it out. I've gotta get back to work."

He mock-salutes me with two fingers, and I walk back to my office. I review the case file and documents while holding my cold hands against my hot coffee mug. 

A knock on my door trips me out of my thoughts, and I look up to see Kelsey, one of the new office secretaries at my door. 

"Hey Kels, what's up?" I ask, folding my hands on my desk. 

"There's a Miss Thompson here to see you, Cole. Would you like me to send her in?"

My mouth runs dry as I nearly fall out of my seat at the mention of my girlfriend. I go to speak but my voice comes out squeaky. I clear my throat before continuing.