Like He Never Left

chapter 33

I'm stressed. I'm very very stressed. So what am I doing haha? Avoiding all of my responsibilities by chugging out a looong overdue chapter with Yung Gravy on full blast... haha... I love my life. 

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Colt's POV

There are few things in life that bring me joy like spending the afternoon with my best friends and their kids on a lazy July Sunday afternoon, enjoying the beautiful late spring weather with a small potluck. 

June and Carrie Ann had decided that we'd spent too much time without each other and that it was time for the gang to hang out all together. 

Because apparently, two weeks without all of our crazy selves was much too long apart.

It took Josie only a week to settle back into her old routine here. I guess she and James really got into it before she left, and then also on the phone a few days after she came back, and she ended it. That was a whole month ago. 

And so began a whole month of being asked when we're getting back together, mainly by Carrie Ann (which is ironic in its own right) and Tommy, though when the question was asked, heads swiveled and attentions piqued. In the beginning, we just laughed and shook our heads, both of us reminded of old times when 'Cosie' was shipped as juniors in high school, and told whoever asked that they were dreaming. And in the beginning, it was easy to because of all of the mixed signals she sent me. 

Like when we happened to be at the Turners' house at the same time, she brought up an inside joke and winked at me, I was ready to get on bended knee and propose. But then when we carpooled to Soda Pop with Bobby and Carrie Ann, she sat as far away from me as she physically could. Even Bobby eyed me weirdly in the rearview mirror when he saw that. 

I've chalked it up to some weird breakup thing.

Lately though, I haven't been so sure. 

Watching her with Jean and Ben, or any of the kids, really, just always... stunned me.  You'd never believe it if you knew her when we were young, but she somehow became a natural mother figure to them all. She was one all of the kids went to when they needed guidance and a little extra care. 

Like now, watching her properly position an old football in Carson's tiny hands and beaming when he gets it right, it just amazes me at how naturally her motherly instincts kick in. I don't even think she knows she's doing it. 

Our eyes meet for a split second, and she smiles softly at me before returning her attention to Carson.

Suddenly, that's our boy she's teaching how to hold a football. And Carson isn't Carson. He's a young boy with Josie's features and my build. Josie's toothy smile and my square shoulders. That's our son she's so proud of.

And it hurts. My stomach caves in on itself when I realize that's not reality, and boy is reality a bitch. 

Like, am I even allowed to want to make a move? Is that socially acceptable for our situation? I just don't know. It's exasperating.

A hand claps on my shoulder from behind me and rocks it back and forth, scaring the shit out of me.

I whip around, ready to karate chop someone into next Tuesday, but when I see it's Tommy underneath his backward baseball cap, I relax slightly, rolling my eyes to show my annoyance. 

"You're a turd," I mutter, watching my language in front of the kids around me. I cross my arms and turn back in Josie's direction. I glance over at her just in time to see her throw a tight spiral to E.G.