The Royal Romances

The Future

Palace of Westminster, London
June 1414

The air feels crisp and cold but refreshing since we have been trapped inside the palace the entire day. I was restless and needed to escape outside, even though the weather has been unpredictable lately. Per usual Sophie is by my side, but also a new woman who arrived at court merely a week ago. Even though he has a busy schedule, Edmund joined us on our walk in the gardens after eating his lunch with his sister. This is not as common anymore since Edmund, after his achievements during the war, has become one of the King's most trusted advisors, which keeps him more than occupied. He was not as distant anymore, and the new position had helped him much with adjusting back to life at court. However we still never speak of the war and I just have to accept that I will never know that part of him, even though it hurt me.

As we walk along a narrow pathway, I realise that I do not know much about this new addition to the court, except for the fact that the woman is very beautiful and appears to enjoy Edmund's company. What is worse, Edmund looks like he relishes in her presence and I am afraid I will not be able to disguise my jealousy much longer if they keep up this behaviour. To distract myself, I try to appear detached and interested in her, even though I want to hit her over the head with the nearest rock.

"So where are you from, Lady Mary?" I ask as we pass the peaceful pond.

"Manchester", she says and quickly turns to Edmund. "Have you ever been?"

Her wide smile and full lips distract me to such a degree that I at first do not notice the sharp stomach pain. A few seconds later it is back and I know I have not imagined it.

"Pardon me I do not feel very well."

Edmund stops and gives me a look filled with concern.

"I will escort you back, Your Grace."

I wave away his worry and try my best to smile.

"You enjoy the gardens, Edmund. I will be fine as soon as I lay down."

When I am back in my chambers I try to think back over the last months. Edmund came back from France more than three months ago. I put a hand on my still flat belly. At first pure joy is coursing through my body but it is soon followed by paralysing terror. How can I have been so foolish to not notice? How could I have been so ignorant? I could not claim that this child was the King's and definitely not my husband's. Even if I begin to visit my husband's bedchamber tonight it will make no difference. When the child is born he will know that I was in fact what he so long had branded me: a whore. We, or at least my child, would be cast out on the street, treated worse than dirt and left to rot in the gutter. I cannot let that happen, I will not let it happen. I have to come up with something that will save both me and my baby. I see so clearly before my eyes a boy of about eight, the spitting image of Edmund with his dark hair and clear eyes. This child is not yet born and still I feel that the human growing inside me will be the person I'll love above all others. I rub my stomach and make a promise to my child which I know I will keep.

"Run away with me", Edmund says once more as he kisses my belly. "You have always said you are jealous of the peasants because they can marry for love. Let's go live as peasants."

I run my fingers through his hair like many times before and hold him close.

"And what will happen if we are found? What will happen to our child?"

Edmund stands up and looks at me with a bewildered expression in his eyes. 

"I realise it's dangerous but this is a dangerous situation, Emily. What do you suggest?"

I take a deep breath and sit down on the bed.

"I have to go to my husband."

"The Duke?" Edmund spit out in disgust.

"I have to convince him that this is the King's child which should not be too difficult. Then I will convince him that if we go back home, nobody will suspect anything. He will hopefully have an heir or a baby girl and not be shamed. And our child will grow up well."

Edmund is standing in the middle of the room and watches me like I am a stranger to him.

"Have you lost your wits woman? If you think I will leave my child with that drunken fool you are gravely mistaken."

I remain on the bed and observe his desperate behaviour. He knows as well as me that we have no other option if we want to keep the child and survive.

"Do you have faith in me, Edmund?"

"Of course", he says without any hesitation.

"Then show it. Surely you must know I will do everything in my power to keep our child safe. I would lay down my life if it meant I could save the child's."

Edmund's face twists in pain as he walks to my side.

"It will not come to that." 

He puts his hand on my belly and I take it in mine. His hands are cold today. Suddenly his hard face breaks down and he grabs onto my body like I am his only rescue.

"How will I do without you? I shall go mad", he blurts out.

"Listen my love. The Duke will not live forever. He is already a tired old man and if he keeps up the drinking it shall not take long before he is gone. Then you will join us in Suffolk and we shall be husband and wife. We shall be a family."

Edmund's body is shaking and when he looks up at me I see the tears that cover his face. I have already come to terms with my plan and only the thought of actually being Edmund's wife, not the fantasy I have so often dreamed of but the real thing, will get me through every task.

"Hush, do not cry. Everything will be alright. We only have to wait sweetheart. Everything will be as you wished. You will escort me to celebrations, we will have more children and you shall provide for us. Our wishes will come true, I know they will."

My words are more determined than my mind which still dreads the horrid conversation with my husband. Tonight I need to be strong for both of us. For all of us.

"Our wishes will come true", Edmund repeats and nods. "When will you go to the Duke?"

"Tomorrow", I whisper softly and we both know this means that our last night together is already upon us. 

After I lay out part of the truth to the Duke it will become even more dangerous to keep up our affair and if we are caught, everything will be lost. We hold on to each other tenderly like there is no tomorrow but the following day comes quicker than we would have wished. I have felt strong nearly to the end but when I walk into his arms, I realise I have no idea when I will be back in his embrace. Since we have said farewell before and we now know that we are going to start a life together I think that parting will be easier but it only makes it that much harder.

"You must return to me", he whispers softly into my curls.

I know I have to leave this room before I change my mind and let him convince me to run away. What is so wrong with living like peasants?

"I promise", is all I say before walking out of my chambers.

I have made a promise to my child, a promise I will not break, even though it will break me to leave my love behind.