The Royal Romances

You Still Love Me

Palace of Westminster, London
December 1428

As I look around the great hall, I realise not much has changed during the many years I have been absent from court. The Ladies are still gossiping and revealing too much skin and the Lords are drinking ale and wine, laughing loudly at each other's fictitious stories. The few familiar faces I have seen so far have not aged too well and that is when I finally grasp how young I was when I first arrived at court, merely a year older than Richard is now. My boy appears as if he's quickly eased into the life of the court as he has already danced with three lucky young women and is now discussing the difficulties of import with three other Dukes. 

I move around the room fairly slowly, taking in all the marvellous decorations while sipping on the expensive wine. It feels almost surreal to be back after all this time in a place that holds so many significant memories from my youth. I can still recall how intimidating the first nights in the great hall were, and also how it quickly became routine. The lavish parties and all the important people coming and going. Even if we hosted a few gatherings in Suffolk, maybe ten or twenty people attended them. Not a hundred or more that were now moving around the hall, trying to find a familiar face or two.

First, it's only her husband that I notice but soon I also see Sophie, who's talking to a couple dressed in very fine clothes. I have missed her so much since this year, she didn't have time to come to visit Richard and myself. Ever since we started writing more to each other again, Sophie had come to Suffolk at least once a year. I loved having her there and she and Richard had become fast friends. There was a reason her visits often happened to occur close to his birthday and she loved to spoil him with extravagant gifts. Her tenderness towards him was clear and I knew it pained her that she could not tell him of their true connection, even though she constantly denied it when we talked about it.

"As long as he is in my life, I am content", she used to say firmly and as the years passed, I had stopped bringing it up.

As I walk over to greet Sophie, her face lights up and I smile widely. It's not until I receive her husband that I notice the couple they are speaking to are Edmund and Lady Cecily. Edmund belongs to the category of people who's managed to age rather well. His black hair is thinner and his body looks a bit weaker but his strong face is the same apart from a few lines here and there. His burning eyes and studying me closely and in another lifetime, I probably would have blushed. I did not know how I would feel when this day came but I did not think I would be so calm. My heartbeat's steady, my palms are dry and I do not feel a longing for Edmund's touch. How very odd.

"This is my wife Cecily and our daughter Sophie", he says whilst not looking away for a second.

I curtsy and only now notice the crying baby in Lady Cecily's arms. Edmund's wife, now Duchess of Gloucester since Edmund's father passed and he inherited the title, looks as pale and grim as I remember her. She does not even appear to take notice of her screaming child.

"Your girl is beautiful, Your Grace. May I hold her?"

The Duchess remains silent but holds out her baby girl so I can take her in my arms. I can already see Edmund's nose and they share the same colour of their eyes. I start rocking her from side to side whilst holding two fingers on her tiny stomach.

"My Richard did not cry much, but when he did, this always helped."

I see Edmund's entire body tense up at the mention of Richard and then, as like he's heard me calling, my son is beside me.