𝚜𝚘𝚛𝚛𝚢 | 𝖼.𝗌 𝗑 𝗃.𝗐

f̸i̸v̸e̸

a week later, session two

san had pretty much spent the whole week thinking - or worrying - about wooyoung. every night as he arrived home, he remembered wooyoung telling him he hurt himself everyday. so to san, that meant that every night when he was having dinner, taking a shower or watching a tv show, wooyoung was somewhere doing... he didn't even want to think.

so as san prepared for the next session with wooyoung, he hoped more than anything that the boy hadn't changed his mind.

and wooyoung didn't let him down. sure enough, at 1pm, there was a knock on the door that belonged to wooyoung.

as he sat down on the couch, san took in just how skinny wooyoung was. he had bags under his pretty eyes this week too - he looked like he hadn't been sleeping well.

"how are you today, wooyoung?" san asked with a welcoming smile.

"I'm okay" wooyoung lied.

in actual fact, wooyoung had had a terrible week. just as things started to look somewhat positive, he began to feel worse. this is what happened with him. he didn't feel he deserved anything good so at any glimpse of happiness, guilt overtook him and forced him back into his hole.

on friday, he had counted out several sleeping pills on his bed and was very close to taking them all. but like everytime, he saw yunho's face; his smile, his bright eyes - and knew that he couldn't be the reason for his best friend's sadness. so he flushed them down the toilet and returned to the blade.

"are you sure?" san asked.

wooyoung paused before he answered again. "...no"

"did something happen?"

"no"

san sighed. wooyoung was so stand-offish today. different to last week. last week he was emotional, sure. but this week he was almost shutting himself off.

"I'm glad you decided to come back" he tried. but wooyoung said nothing.

he tried again, "was it your choice to come back?"

"I'm doing it for yunho" he said. but part of him also wanted to add and you.

he knew he was being more quiet today but it was hard for wooyoung to open up to people. san seemed to like him so far and he knew the more he was around him, that would soon change. it always did.

"wooyoung, are you able to tell me why you're not doing so well?"

still nothing from wooyoung. had he done something to lose his trust? san knew from his previous clients that once they no longer trusted him, it was impossible to get anything out of them. and san wanted to help wooyoung more than he'd ever wanted to help any other client. so he tried something he'd never usually do.

"do you like coffee, wooyoung?"

wooyoung's head snapped up at the strange question. "urm, yes" he replied.

"let's go for coffee"

"what?"

"this setting, it doesn't help" san explained. "I think you'd be more relaxed somewhere else"

"are you allowed to do that?"

"if you would like to"

wooyoung thought about how unconventional this was, but he also really wanted to go for coffee with dr. choi.

"okay... sure" he replied.

-----

as the two arrived at a random cafe, san thought about how weird this must be for wooyoung. wooyoung was thinking about how weird it was to not be in his usual cafe, seonghwa behind the counter. but they sat down at a table away from everyone else and san asked wooyoung what he wanted to drink like it was perfectly normal.

"I'll get my own" wooyoung protested.

"you don't have to do that, it was my choice to come here"

"well... okay. if you're sure. just a latte, um, please"

san smiled and went to order their drinks. as he walked away, wooyoung took in his full appearance and admired how good he looked in his clothes: he had on jeans and a shirt, which was not all the way buttoned-up. then he caught himself; he couldn't be having these thoughts about his therapist. as he saw san walking back over he quickly averted his gaze to the floor.

"the guy is bringing them over" san informed him. "a latte is a good choice, it's what I always have"

wooyoung smiled weakly. "I drink coffee a lot". now the setting was less formal, he felt like he kinda had to say something so it wasn't awkward, and as he spoke, the smile that appeared on san's face made him want to keep talking. god he was attractive. his smile almost made him forget his depressing life.

"I don't believe I deserve you to help me" wooyoung spoke, surprising san. "what I did was... the girl's family... they deserve the help-" wooyoung was interrupted by the waiter bringing them their drinks.

san thanked the waiter and quickly returned to wooyoung. "listen, the girl's family have probably been through therapy: somebody helped them deal with their circumstances, and now I'm helping you"

"but I was the one who did it, why do I deserve help?"

"because you're twenty three and you've been carrying this around for five years without anyone's help - I assume?"

"I never saw a therapist before, no"

"you spoke about an ex-partner before, right?"

wooyoung looked down to the coffee in his hands. "yes"

"can you tell me about that?"

in all honesty, talking about changbin still made him incredibly sad. he had left just over six months ago and wooyoung was still not used to being alone.

"there isn't much to tell"

"tell me what you can"

wooyoung thought for a second. he didn't even really know how to describe his relationship with his ex-boyfriend.

"we were together for two years, like I said. but..." wooyoung trailed off.

"but?" san pressed.

"I was too fucked up for him. he couldn't deal with it"

"deal with what?"

"at first he said he was okay with being with someone who did what I did. that it wasn't my fault - a mistake. I was so in love with him because he saw past my... what I did. but it didn't stop me from hating myself - and he hated that. he hated when I would... hurt myself. he didn't know how to react. it was as if he didn't want to deal with the baggage that came with what happened. and in the end, he just told me to..."

wooyoung's eyes swam with tears, but he blinked them away. he didn't want to cry in this random cafe.

"to what?" san asked.

"to 'man up', stop being a pussy"

san shook his head. wooyoung was so damaged, he needed gentle love and care and someone to be patient with him. why couldn't this changbin see that?

"I was just a burden to him in the end. I'm a burden to everyone. even yunho"

"I don't imagine that's true"

"it is" wooyoung argued, a tear rolling down his cheek. "it is true"

san reached out his hand across the table and placed it softly on top of wooyoung's.

"well you will never be a burden to me"