Even Then

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I loved you when we first met,
my eyes searching across the room,
looking for a semblance of home.

I loved you when you held my hand on our first date,
it was warmth, 
I never thought I needed it. 

I loved you when you held me close, 
our bodies intertwined,
like branches reaching for the sky. 

I loved you when you said my name, 
like a child
longing for forgiveness.

I loved you on busy Monday mornings, with coffee too cold to care. I loved you with sweaty palms and uncomfortable seats, with my mind drifting back to your texts. I loved you on rainy summer days when the petrichor would swallow us both. I loved you each day, even under rain clouds or harsh lights. I loved you each time you smile and your eyes would light up. I loved you each time I see you, but I never thought time would let us drift apart. 

But I loved you more when you cried my name, 
when my voice
was merely a sound. 

I loved you more when you said you were tired,
and you said perhaps I was too much.

I loved you more with trembling hands,
with words unspoken in my mouth. 

I loved you more with mascara tears,
my mind racing, 
my heart beating too fast. 

And I believed you when you said you needed some space,
you needed some time,
you needed another pastime. 

So I swear I loved you more when you let me go.

I loved you even then.

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