if we survive

t w e l v e

r o r y

We put Ash's grave beside Mika's.

Mika was alone on call with the woman that shot Colman as she turned into a monster. The woman caught Mika by her shoulder and sunk her rotten teeth into it. Benji heard her scream from the showers and found her crying on the floor while the woman was tearing the flesh off of her legs. Benji killed the woman and Mika, he carried Mika back to camp so she could be properly buried. Mika's child, Eliza-Jane would grow up as a biological orphan in Zac's care. Mika had told Zac that he was basically Eliza's brother meaning he had to watch out for her even when Mika was gone. Zac stuck to that and rarely let Eliza out of his sight. Jade didn't do work around the camp after she had Asher, she was a stay at home mom and when she needed to, she babysat Eliza and Zac.

Zac took Eliza to Mika's grave every day and told her Mika's stories, then he'd take Asher to Ash's grave and tell him Ash's stories. He said he didn't want them to grow up without knowing their relatives like he did. Every time Zac would stop by to pick up Asher grief weighed down on my heart more and more as the days went by and I knew he was dead. From what Benji said, the cut on Ash's arm was too deep for him to still be alive. He said there was no way Ash would've made it to the camp and even if he did he wouldn't last long. I just had to force myself to accept this and mourn. Except, Colman wouldn't let me.

Colman normally hung out with Ethan at medical or Carlee at the garden, she'd made friends quickly with the survivors but she'd still check in on me and start a conversation about how Ash could've made it to camp.

"Someone could've found him, Mika said she gave him gauze to slow the bleeding so he could've made it. It can't hurt to just go there and ask." Colman said and sat down at the end of the log I was sitting on.

"We can't just ask them if they have one of our people, they'll take it as an accusation." I stated and watched Jade a few feet away rocking Asher in her arms.

"You don't know that." Colman mumbled, she sounded disappointed.

"I do know that, I know those people. They'll do anything to start a war." I wiped my eyes and looked at her. "Let's talk about this when you can walk properly enough to do something." I stood and walked away, feeling Colman glaring daggers at the back of my head.

"I'm well enough to find someone I care about! You're just scared to face your brother after letting him leave with the enemy!" Colman yelled after me. I clenched my fists but didn't turn back to her. I found Jade and took Asher from her. He smiled one of those cute baby smiles and my mood softened. I stuck my tongue out at him and he giggled like it was the funniest thing he's ever seen. Jade smiled.

"How are you feeling, Holden? You look discouraged." Jade said and put a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"Colman wants me to go to Adam's camp to see if Ash made it." I said and Jade expression fell.

"They'll kill you if you show up there." Jade said in a low whisper. I nodded and let Asher chew on my pinky. If Ashton did survive and he was at Adam's camp then there's a sixty percent chance they'll kill him as soon as they know I'm his brother. It's been a month so even if he did make it to the camp, they'd have killed him by now and I couldn't do anything about it. I'd rather believe Ash didn't die because of me, if he did I'd never look at myself again. I couldn't tear myself down because of what might have happened, I have a child who needs me, that is all I cared about. Asher is my number one priority.