if we survive

e i g h t e e n

a s h

It wasn't impossible getting out of the gates this time. I could see the fear seeping into Adrian as we started walking through the woods. I had reason to believe he hadn't been outside of the gates in a very long time. From what we could see, there weren't any lurkers nearby so we both had our weapons by our side. Adam's sword felt natural in my hand and it sat comfortably in a holster strapped on my back when I put it away. Maven didn't even say goodbye to us or even acknowledged out existence when we walked out of the gates. She was pretty upset that I refused to let her tag along, but I'd much rather her be mad at me than dead.

Rory's camp didn't feel as far away as it does when you're bleeding out. We didn't encounter any lurkers on the way, which was kind of surprising to me, but we got there quick and easy. I saw the medical cabin through the trees and smiled as if I was finally home after a long vacation. Except, this place wasn't my home and it didn't feel like I thought it would to be back. Adrian sighed in relief and we both took off in a sprint into the clearing. I slid Adam's sword back into the holster on my back and stopped by a tree to watch the camp to make sure my brother wasn't near. Every single worry that I had from the moment I step foot outside of the gates was washed away when I saw Colman chatting with another survivor by the steps of the medical cabin. She looked distraught and the boy she spoke to patted her pack sympathetically. I patted Adrian's shoulder triumphantly as I made my way farther into camp. It didn't take her long to meet my gaze but it took her a moment to fully process who I was. When she came to the conclusion that I was really standing before her she was throwing her arm around my neck before I could even take a breath. My arms instinctively wrapped around her waist lifting her off the ground while my face was buried in her hair. She was alive. She's here and she's a living human being in my arms.

"You're alive. I knew you were alive." She mumbled as I let her feet touch the ground. She pulled away and wiped her eyes with her palm. Her face was red and her eyes were bloodshot like she'd been crying before she saw me. "So much has happened."

"We can talk about that later. How's your leg? Did you heal alright?" I asked examining her over. She replied by kicking her leg up in air in front of me. I nodded with a small cheerful laugh and brought my attention back to Adrian who was standing awkwardly at my side. "This is Adrian, he's from the other camp."

Colman looked at Adrian then back at me, "Are they good people? Holden said they'd kill you."

I shook my head. "Those are the best people I've ever met." This made Adrian smile and clap a hand down on my shoulder. "Adrian, this is Colman."

"I've heard a lot about you." He said with a slight nod. Colman grinned and nodded back.

"I need to talk to Mika and Benji before I see my brother, are they in the cabin?" I asked Colman and immediately her expression fell. I knit my eyebrows and she grabbed my hand.

"Mika isn't inside, but I can take you to her." Colman said attempting to hide her emotions. I could see the water building up in her eyes, I knew something bad had happened but I didn't want to think the worst yet. I just nodded and she pulled me along with her as she made her way towards the garden. "Holden is teaching the kids useless school stuff with Jade in one of the tents so he won't see you."

As we passed other survivors most of them didn't acknowledge me and others gave me curious stares. I never really came to introduction bases with the survivors here but some of them obviously thought I was dead and I didn't blame them. When I'd woken up in a different camp with Adam glaring down at me, I thought I was dead too.

We walked down the exit trail and Colman took a turn into the garden where a pretty dark skinned girl stood whispering to the crops. She jumped when she saw us then smiled. Her hair was curly and didn't touch her shoulders but a bandana was tied in a bow around her hair. She looked older than than me, maybe about Holden's age.

"This is my friend Carlee, she tends the garden every day." Colman said. Carlee smiled and nodded like she had no idea who I was. At this point, I'd assumed everyone knew that I was Holden's brother.

"I'm Ashton, most people know that." I said with a shrug.

"I'm not most people." She smiled and turned back to her plants. I looked at Colman and she grinned like she knew exactly what I was thinking. Colman then walked past the planters and stopped at about six large stones places on the ground in a row. My heart sank. They were headstones. Colman moved to stand beside two that looked recent at the end of the row. I stepped up to Colman's side and read one stone. On it, was my full name in my brother's handwriting. Then the stone beside it read Mika's name. My legs wouldn't support my weight once I came to realization that Mika was dead. I dropped to my knees and rubbed my hand across her grave. I looked up at Colman who had tears in her eyes.

"What happened?" My voice broke at the words. I felt Adrian place a comforting hand on my back.

Colman explained everything. She told me about the woman turning and attacking Mika in the medical cabin. She told me about how Benji had to kill them both and that he hadn't spoken to anyone since Mika's funeral. I couldn't express how I felt at this moment with words. Imagine being trapped inside of your own mind having zero control over your body while your hands strangled someone beneath you but it wasn't truly you murdering yet you still felt the guilt and sorrow that came with it. All I know is that if I had've just pulled myself together and killed that woman as soon as I had the chance so much would've changed. Mika would still be alive.

"I'm sorry." Colman said just above a whisper. "I told you, a lot has happened."

"Has anyone else died?" I asked quietly. She hesitated, and fear crept into my veins once again. My brain immediately jumped to conclusions, thinking about Benji, Asher, Zac, and Eliza. "God, Did they find Eliza?"

"Eliza is okay. Nobody else died at camp but I killed someone today while hunting." She spoke softly like I might back away from her as if she was a maniac trying to slice me in half. I knew the guilt of taking a life was weighing down on her as if she had a weight chained to her heart.

"Killing isn't an unforgivable action, if forgiveness is what you need to come to peace with what you've done then take it from me. You're forgiven, it's okay." I replied softly. She just shrugged and looked down at her shoes.

"We should go back—" A sudden gunshot sounded from the camp and interrupted Adrian's sentence. We all froze.

"Ashton!" As soon as I heard her voice screaming for me, I cursed. I pulled my sword out of its holster on my back and took off in a sprint back towards the tents with my heart pounding in my chest. I didn't know if Colman and Adrian followed but I wasn't sure I cared.