if we survive

t w e n t y t w o

a s h

Adrian watched me pace around our prison as my mind searched for a valid explanation for Holden's actions. So far all I could come up with was that he'd gone crazy after thinking I'd died for the second time. I wished Colman and Maven were in the same room as us, I was terrified to think about what might be happening to them. For all I know they could be sitting down chatting about the camp, but they could also be lying dead in a puddle of blood. I didn't believe Holden would kill someone for no reason, but that creepy bearded guy looked like he'd find joy in watching life slip away from a human.

"Have you ever seen that bearded guy before?" I asked Adrian. I wondered if he had any part with the attack at Adam's camp.

Adrian nodded and looked at me sincerely. "When they raided the camp for the cure ingredients, that guy basically used your brother as a slave for his dirty work. I saw him ordering your brother around and he was the one that told Holden to attack Adam."

Before I could reply or even process this information, the wooden door that kept us locked in opened and my brother staggered inside. Adrian I stood up and backed away. I pushed Adrian behind me because I knew that Holden wouldn't hurt me but I wasn't so sure that he'd leave Adrian unharmed. Holden locked the door behind him and looked at me.

"I just want you to listen, I don't care if you respond." Holden said. I just nodded. "I'm not the same person I was when you turned fourteen. I was held in this cabin, in this room for two years to where I almost went crazy. I didn't know what happened to you or our parents. Anon convinced me that my family had stopped searching, that you guys just gave up and moved on. He was the only person I had left for so long, once the apocalypse began he let me outside because we thought the world was over. I had nowhere to run."

"Bullshit." I mumbled. "We're in the middle of the forest for god's sake, there's miles upon miles to run and hide and get away from that maniac." I didn't want to yell, and it was hard to keep calm.

"He told me that the world was worse than it actually was. He said that all humans exposed to sunlight in the past two years were infected, he said that he and I were safe and I couldn't bare living alone so I stayed with him." Holden watched me but I stayed quiet. "Then, I met Jade and everything changed."

"Don't pull Jade into your sick backstory. I don't give two shits about what happened in the past, it doesn't change how you've acted in the present. Your past isn't supposed to define you." I was growing angrier by the second. Adrian gripped my arm to make sure I didn't do anything stupid.

"I know. This isn't an excuse, Ash. I'm not the bad guy." Holden spoke in a low tone like he was afraid of who would hear.

I scoffed. "Yeah, then who is? Me? Am I the bad guy in this story for not sticking around my psycho brother?" Adrian gripped my arm tighter.

"I'm not the bad guy, Anon is." Holden whispered moving closer to us. "He's putting things in my head and I don't know what's true and what's a lie. I can't help it, I need someone to help me." Holden looked at me like he was on the verge of crying. I felt a pang of sorrow in my heart but I tried to ignore it.

"Oh yeah it makes total sense that he sat beside you in the other camp and forced you to kill Adam. Let me guess, he shamed you after you couldn't finish the job so now you think you owe him something. He's the reasoning for all of your struggles right? It has nothing to do with your psycho brain?" I watched a tear slip from Holden's eye but I didn't move. I stood my ground. Holden wiped his eyes and straightened his posture moving his gaze to Adrian's hand that Adrian clung to his chest.

"Forget it. I'll get you a doctor, if you aren't going to listen then I can't help you." Holden sniffed and started to unlock his only exit.

"Let me talk to Benji, bring Benji here." I said. He glanced at me before opening the door and stepping out. He looked hurt but everytime guilt crept into my heart I remembered that he knocked me out, hunted me down, and held me hostage. He wasn't my brother anymore. Rory was gone.